As I smile and click the like button (they really need a love button feature) on most of her pics, and tell friends, “I’m so happy for her. Look at her! She radiates joy and happiness.”, you’d think Letoya Luckett was a personal girlfriend of mine. She’s not, but that would be so cool! ( Her IG posts give me the impression she enjoys life and living. And I love that.) Nonetheless her recent announcement, beach pics with bae, videos, and more fill me with joy.
Let me be real clear, I’m happy for all women who find something real. But I find myself ELATED for women who find something real a little later in the game. Later in the game meaning you didn’t have the luxury of meeting and marrying your high school sweetheart. Or the privilege of taking that fine chocolate fella who majored in Finance off the market, at the tender ripe age of 21. Checking meet, marry, and be in a happy, healthy, and loving marriage, with a good man, off your list so you can move on to other life goals. Nah. For Later In The Game girls something real (solid love) didn’t debut (or hasn’t debuted) as seamlessly as you once may have thought it should. You’ve been through some trials and errors. Some of us more than others. You’ve found yourself baffled when you’ve done everything you thought you should do but the Love math still ain’t add up right. You may have even declared after one too many relationship fails Fuck. This. Shit. Now I’m gonna be done (in my Sammy from Jersey Shore voice). Letoya shares that she also struggled with staying open, hopeful, optimistic about Love after her failed relationship with Rob Hill (Me being nosy: Why did they breakup anyway?). But she prayed about meeting someone amazing, had faith, and lived her life (YAAASSSS! I love a girl who lives her life!) until her desire manifested itself.
Earlier I mentioned being filled with joy when her pics blast my timeline. I have to wonder if a small part of this is connected to selfish reasons. You know how in church pastors will tell you to be happy for others who are being blessed because it means you’re blessing may be coming next? Her story makes me feel less Fuck This Shit: All These MF’s crazy (hands claps inserted) and a little more OK. Sweet, Genuine, Good Hearted Guys Still Exist: Finding Something Real Is Still Possible…even for Later In The Game girls like me.
I’m appreciative of Letoya being so open and sharing her story with us. My mustard seed size faith in Love has grown a little more consequently. I hope yours’ has as well.
This summer has been quite entertaining to be honest. Nonetheless, about a month ago, I guess I decided a little more entertainment, on those occasional long days of summer, couldn’t hurt (wrong). Those days when everyone else was working, reading didn’t keep my full attention, naps started to bore me, nothing good was on TV, I’d already posted nine times on IG, and my work out class didn’t start for another five hours, Tinder to the rescue. The first few days it was kind of fun. I likened it to playing a video game (although I’m not a huge video game player). Swipe left. Swipe left. Left again. Now right! OK. I see you. It’s a match! And the next time you’re bored, you play your video game some more. Unfortunately (for me) the novelty of Tinder wore off …real fast. This shit ain’t fun no more.
Why Tinder’s No Longer Fun:
- I’m convinced a significant number of people are just curious to know who thinks they’re nice looking. I say this because I have numerous matches in my Tinder log at the moment. These are clearly guys I thought were handsome or kinda cute; guys who must have thought I was at least ok looking. We both swiped right…and that was it! No, greeting, No messages. No nothing. Was I supposed to send a greeting message or something? (Cause I didn’t.) Well, on the bright side, at least I know about 100 (exaggerated number but you get my point) guys from the DMV area think I’m cute. And that’s just so fucking fulfilling. (Sarcasm inserted).
- Tinder definitely has quantity, but I’m not yet convinced it has much to offer me at this time. From the guy who just wants a smoking partner, to the guy who refers to himself as a “freelance gynecologist”, to the guy who referred to me as “cocoa puff” (what the) to the self-proclaimed “cunning linguist” , I think I’m good. Oh and how could I forget the guys who post print pics and almost nudes ? So you’re just all up on the app with your dick out ? in my Kevin Hart voice. I revised my profile to expedite the weeding out process. Matches and messages got dry almost instantaneously.
- Tinder doesn’t encourage or inspire me to be open-minded. My tinder apathy could have a lot to do with everything mentioned in point #2 in my defense. You live 20 miles away? Too far. Nope. Why you got those silly looking shorts on? Nope. Duck lips? On a dude? Fuck nah. Four kids? As in 4? Nope! I could legit be “Noping” a small (very, very, very small) percentage of quality people on petty technicalities. But let me check to see how many fukks I give and get back to you on that.
There’s definitely more I can talk about, like the married/involved guys posturing as eligible bachelors. But I think that may deserve a post all of its own. It’s said that anything you want, you have to work hard for it. But my spirit tells me this is some foolishness and I shouldn’t have to work this hard. I mean, it’s not work work, but it is annoying. And I equate annoying to hard work. So I think I’ll close my summer out meeting people more organically. (That reminds me, I’m gonna be late for Happy Hour if I don’t hurry up). In the interim, I think I’ll be taking a step back from Tinder for now. All things considered, I’m okay with that.
Signing off as A Girl Who Just Doesn’t Think Tinder’s For Her
A friend and I recently had the opportunity to exchange thoughts regarding the recently released Girls Trip. She shared how she thought she was a combination of Lisa and Dina. We laughed for what felt like hours as we recalled the golden shower and grapefruit scenes. A moment was also designated to clarify some grapefruit related information for me. (People really do that? THAT’S what that lady was talking about in that video? Hmmm. Interesting. Well what about the citrus juice? I wonder why she said don’t use a pineapple though?). And my friends are kind enough to take their time with me. I love them for that. They know I process some things on the slower side. Lol.
We talked about Ryan’s unfulfilling relationship. How my aunt thought her husband was “ugly”. “They could’ve gotten a better looking man than that to play her husband. That man was ugly.”, were her exact words. My friend totally disagreed by the way. “If she would’ve stayed with him, not told the truth, and continued living a lie I would have cried for her.” , concluded my mom. My friend and I touched on how we were happy to see Ryan get her swagger back at the end of the movie and the possibility of her pairing with Larenz Tate’s character. Speaking of Larenz Tate! He looks freakin amazing! He almost makes me want to consider being vegan. Almost. For now, I’ll consume meat/dairy in moderation. Work out 3-4 times a week. Shoot for a gallon of water a day. And get plenty of rest. That’s all I got. Chicken wings and macaroni and cheese be calling my name. Then we reminisced on personal Essence experiences, many moons ago (chasing Boris Kodjoe down the road so we could get a picture. He looks just as good in person as he does in photos and on T.V. There was no shame in leaving a table full of girlfriends in a Nawlins restaurant while we broke out into young jogs, for blocks, racing to catch up with BK’s fine ass. And it was so worth it!).
After the laughing, note comparisons, and reminiscing concluded, I was reminded of what I appreciated most about Girls Trip (even more so than the opportunity to drool over Kofi’s beautiful self) . I appreciate how the true testament of true friendship was represented in GT. As they went in on each other in that hotel lobby, threw the F word around like crazy, said some pretty hurtful things to one another, and made unfair assumptions, I wondered how in the world would they recover; if they’d recover. As a person who is prone to putting walls up as a safeguard from pain, it made me wonder if I’d be open, willing, vulnerable enough to rekindle with friends after such offenses. I loved how they said what they felt needed to be said, issued sincere apologies, cleared up misconceptions, clean slated each other, and kept the party going. I once believed a sign of a true friendship is never being offended by anyone. Every friend doing and saying the right things so there are never any “issues”. But that’s bullshit. That’s not how life works… at all. And it holds people to unfair and unrealistic standards. I now feel that true friendship involves being able to make mistakes (because no one is perfect), having a safe space where you can be vulnerable and not guarded, vulnerable enough to aplogize when your’e wrong, vulnerable enough to forgive, clean slate, and keep the friend train moving. True friendship involves courage and having uncomfortable conversations instead of taking the easy route (done-ing someone). It involves valuing the relationships you have more than you value your pride or image. They can involve work sometimes. But true friendships are worth the work.
I will be seeing Girls Trip for a third time today! And no, not because I want to drool over Kofi (again). I want to accompany and spend quality time with a friend (cousin) who hasn’t seen it yet, laugh some more, and be reminded once again of what true friendship looks like.
Aye! It’s a day for lovers. Book lovers that is! In honor of this day, I’d like to share a little bit about a book I’m currently reading (actually it’s being read to me courtesy of Audible) entitled This is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare by the witty and spunky and talented Gabourey Sidibe. Her humor, sarcasm, transparency, and nonchalance regarding being “PC”, combined, make this book EVERYTHING!
I was hooked after the first chapter! “But I am dope at any and every size. I am smart. I am funny. I am talented. I am gorgeous. I am black. I am fat. And sometimes I’m a bitch. At all times I’m a bad bitch.” Yes, Girl!! (Or should I say YYYYYAAAAASSSSS!?). Have I ever told you guys how much I love and admire women with unbreakable confidence? No? Well, I do.Gabourey’s so open and honest about the work, past and present, she puts into ensuring her self confidence stays in tact. And I just happen to think navigating fame, twitter trolls, and Hollywood’s narrow minded standard of beauty, all while staying true and believing in yourself is pretty badass. You, Gabourey Sidibe, are a badass!
I was baffled when Gabourey shared events of her first trip to her father’s beloved Senegal, humored when she shared with us she was once a phone sex operator, and proud when she said, “I still wanted the things on the pro list. But not all the things other people wanted for me like marriage and children, but the things I wanted for myself. Like an education and to move out of mom’s apartment. Independence.” And Ms. Badass figured out a way to get everything she wanted, sans marrying way too early and committing immigration fraud. She refused to settle. I salute Gabourey on being self aware and unwilling to go along with some cookie cutter life plan that didn’t speak to her heart.
Although I’m only on chapter 12, I’m convinced Gabourey Sidobe is my kind of girl. And I am officially a new admirer of her’s. Eagerly waiting to dive back in, to learn a little more, and to most likely, laugh a whole lot.
Happy National Book Lovers Day to everyone! May this day bring you great reads and rich discussions. Enjoy!
It was hard for me to understand, initially, why so many people were so against Tasha. I found the THOT and home wrecker descriptions totally exaggerated and unfair. (Remember, she stepped back when Lawrence told her he had a girlfriend). I simply saw her as a girl who wanted what all of us want…something real. And although the chances of having something real with Lawrence were slim, considering the foundation of their “situationship”, she was still hopeful. Was Tasha naive? Yes. Unrealistically optimistic? Absolutely! But a THOT though? Nah. She proceeded hastily, didn’t use her best judgement, ignored that little voice (intuition), focused more on what she wanted than what was obvious. Basically she was guilty of doing the same shit we’ve all done, are currently doing, or will do: trying to force something real with someone who is questionable.
Tasha wasn’t a THOT (in my opinion) but she was a threat. She represented what most involved women fear: an alternative option. We want our men to have eyes, ears, and hearts for only us, not some boobies raised, teeny waisted, booty bangin, little bit hood ( I think this also contributed to the overwhelming contempt for Tasha–we can be so #blackandbougie at times) bank teller. For all of those who loathe Tasha, here’s some good news for you. She’s most likely out of the equation. Why do you think that you ask? It’s simple, I answer. She told the truth. And most times when people have committed messed up acts and are not living the strongest and best version of their lives, the truth is the last thing they want to hear. They run from it and the truth tellers like the plague. Lawrence’s cowardly (couldn’t even tell her to her face) and sooner than expected yet still A-Dollar Short- And-A-Day-Late admission deserved Tasha’s infamous response. Confession time: I hit the rewind button at least 3 times, enjoying every second of that exchange. I smirked and contemplated instances I could have delivered said lines. I’ve even repeated them aloud a few times, adding emphasis on one of my favorite words, just to hear the sound of each line rolling off my tongue. Ya’ll know the lines by now: “You a f**k n***a. Naw. You know what? You worse than a f**k n***a. You a f**k n***a who thinks he’s a good dude .” Ouch!!! Unable to rebut all Lawrence could do was stand there looking all stupid and what not.
We can all learn a few things from Tasha’s short-lived and unfulfilling experience:
- “Honey, you are sacred land. Choose your travellers wisely.”- Della Hicks-Wilson
- Respect your intuition. If you know what’s up, act like you know what’s up. You can’t force someone to be real just because you want someone real.
- Your feelings matter. Speak. Your. Truth. Even if it means telling someone you think they’re really just a f**k n***a dressed in Good Guy clothing.