‘‘Tis the season” for hearty stews, homemade soups, and hot chocolate smothered with whipped cream. It’s the season for high boots and Friendsgiving, scarves and ugly Christmas sweaters, Netflix and ski trips. It’s also the season for single gals who are feeling a little lonely, somewhat anxious (wondering why their Boaz still hasn’t presented his azz), in slight despair, uninspired by a possible season of solo hibernation, to be extremely cautious. We have to be mindful Ladies, that Cuffing Season is upon us.
Anti-Cuffing Season Checklist
Be Honest With Yourself
Ask yourself how will this situation most likely end? How long will it be all fun and games until emotions get involved and feelings get hurt? Has this person actually demonstrated he’s worthy and appreciative of me, my time, my offerings? Is he more charm than genuine? Am I just bored? Feeling lonely? Would I entertain him under ordinary circumstances? Am I trying to make this more than what it really is? Is my spirit really ok with being a seasonal F#%k Buddy/Fake Girlfriend (granted he may not come right out and refer to you as such but he’ll drop clues regarding his intentions)? If after being honest with yourself you conclude #issacuffingtrap, steer clear. Guard your heart and protect your spirit, your feelings, your peace, and your time.
Believe You Deserve More
In addition to protecting your spirit, have faith and believe in yourself. Believe that you can do way better, that you deserve more than someone who just wants you as their wintertime smash buddy. I don’t care if the situation is looking bleak. You always have options. And by options I don’t necessarily mean a plethora of men. You have the option to value what you have to offer. You have the option to regard your offerings as sacred treasures. You have the option to tell a mf “get the fuck out my face with that cuffing-proposition-bullshit.” If you feel your options are slim or non-existent, start talking to yourself differently; start thinking differently about yourself. Start telling yourself things like:
I’m dope AF (then go do the shit that makes you feel dope…AF)
I’m a treasure (And you don’t need anybody to co-sign on this for you. YOU just have to believe it and govern yourself accordingly.)
I deserve more (You’re damn right you do!)
I got time. I can wait for something with meaning and purpose. (The illusion of not having options and time always seem to trip us up).
When you talk differently to yourself, you start to feel and think differently about yourself. “The tongue has the power of life and death”. We have to speak life over ourselves, our confidence, our boldness. And we have to lay the spirit of slumming (settling for way less because you don’t believe you can have more) to rest…for good.
To Be Continued…
Demetria Obilor isn’t the reflection of standard beauty–standard white beauty that is. She’s not rail thin, blonde haired, and blue-eyed, with porcelain colored skin. Instead, she’s thick and curvy (AF), big and curly-haired, and brown-eyed, with flawless fawn colored skin. In other words, she’s FREAKIN GORGEOUS. The fact that Channel 8 has secured her as their traffic anchor indicates the news channel hasn’t “taken leave of its senses” at all. Channel 8 has gathered its senses in realizing the American (white American) standard of beauty, that fails to capture the beauty of SO many others, is some BS and deserving of dismantling.
Facebook user Jan (Big Mad Jan) exclaims she will not be tuning into Channel 8 anymore because our girl (everyone who’s on #teamdemetria) is cute (gorgeous) in the face, slim in the waist, and blessed in all the right places. Jan basically tried to body shame Demetria for being a thick and curvy woman. Jan’s behavior is sad, but not surprising. “When you look a little different, people think they can talk to you a little different.”, says Demetria in response to Jan’s body shaming. I love how so many people have and are coming to Obilor’s defense. Her clap-back squad is real and ready. And it appears not only black folk are on her team. I appreciate how so many are realizing and accepting that no particular group monopolizes in the area beauty. And y’all already know I love how black women continue to walk confidently and boldly in their beauty. We know, despite everything (historically being told and led to believe we were ugly, with our thick lips, wide noses, dark skin, wide hips, thick thighs, fat butts, and nappy hair) that we’re our own special kind of beauty.
Lastly, Obilor has handled this body shaming (embedded race/culture shaming) with so much grace. This graceful and unapologetic beauty has gained a new admirer– me.