Be Your Own Kind Of Beautiful

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No one (or thing)  should have the authority to tell us what our beautiful should look like. But that doesn’t stop some from telling us, directly and indirectly, that our hair should be straighter and longer, assess fatter, frames thinner, breasts bigger, noses leaner, stomachs flatter, and more.  We take note of the women who are glorified for fitting such descriptions. Then we take to belittling our regular, natural ass bodies because of the attention and  praises given to, for lack of a better phrase, industry hot girls.  When we look in the mirror and complain about our flat assess, wide hips, A-Cups, thicker lips, jelly rolls, or whatever we find to complain about on our bodies,  we are disregarding our own unique kind of beauty and trying to force fit into someone elses’ ideal  (fake ideal in many regards) of beauty.  And the extent to which some of us are willing to force fit ourselves is alarming.  From causing permanent damage to our edges due to excessive, weave use, to undergoing extremely dangerous and unhealthy I Need A Fatter Ass procedures. The destroying of  our beautiful, just right for us, bodies is painful to witness.   And yes, as women, we need to be held accountable for the choices we make and how we regard and treat our temples. But knowing this doesn’t make me any less livid with the elements in our society that encourage this bullshit.

Moving forward, we have to do a better job of embracing who we are–our bodies, our beauty, our everything. We have to define what’s beautiful for us and how said beauty will be expressed. I so appreciate the women who have recently come forth and shared their stories about why they didn’t believe they were beautiful enough in their natural state, why at some point they deemed “enhancements” the solution, and how they came to the realization that real beauty has absolutely nothing to do with looking a particular way but in being a particular way. It has everything to do with appreciating your beauty in its unique form. Knowing and loving who we are, just as we are, is thee essential step to embracing, defining, and being our own kind of beautiful.

 

Rock Your Moment!

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.                        ~Maya Angelou

Congratulations! Thanks to your dedication and hard work you are more than well on your way. You’re a beautiful woman who has been through some stuff. You’ve taken some emotional licks and endured a series of unwanted heartaches. You were almost declared an emotional homicide, but you cried, fought, prayed, laughed, and willed your way back to life. You’ve taken the time needed to delicately and piece-by-piece put yourself back together. Your strength and your courage are quite admirable.

As a result of your strength and courage, you’re now 100% foolish-man free. You’re drama-free, stress-free, and consumed-days-of-sadness-free. You’re agony-free, trying –to-figure-out-what-in-the-world-happened free, believing-that-you’re-inadequate-free, pleading-and-begging-free, sleepless-nights-free, settling-for-less-free, confusion-free, doubt-free, and tear-free. “Free at last! Free at last! Thanking God ALMIGHTY to be free at last!”

You’re finally believing and buying into the notion that you are OK, that you’re going to continue being OK. The realization is accompanied by an upgraded confidence in yourself. You’re learning that you’re stronger than you ever thought you were. You’re setting new and elevated standards for how people will treat you. You’re refocusing and re-prioritizing. You’re back at the top of your priority list—where you should’ve always been. You’re prayed-up and determined to stay that way. You’re releasing feelings of anger and resentment in order to make space for even more peace and joy. Bag lady? Not you! You’ve unloaded all the emotional baggage you have accrued from past hurts, and you left those old bags at the curb. You’ve graciously tipped the baggage handler, told him to discard the unwanted and unneeded bags in the nearest Dumpster, and now you’re traveling on your merry, light way…ready to continue enjoying your journey.

You’re feeling good and taking much better care of yourself now—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You’re smiling a little brighter, laughing a little louder, and looking a lot more fabulous (eliminated stress and sleepless nights from your life has an anti-aging effect). You’re no longer putting your happiness on hold while waiting for something to happen. You’re declaring that you’ll be happy right where you are planted.

Note: I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from my first book. Stay tuned for more. In the interim, feel free to click the link for an additional sneak peek.

Boy Bye! by Rhonda Hall

 

Why I’m Crushing on Angela Simmons and Demetria Lucas

I recently added  Demetria Lucas and Angela Simmons to my list of women I’m digging,  absolutely admiring right now. I appreciate them both for being so candid about their current relationship statuses. How many women have they empowered by simply being honest, telling the ugly, bitter, funky truth?! We’re (women) SO good at hiding these ugly truths. And we’re really good at staying in unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilling  relationships far longer than we should. We’re also really good at not being honest with ourselves about our genuine desires. And lastly, we’re really, really good at making presentations. We’d rather  save face and image, present as if we’re  flourishing in rockstar relationships, instead of admitting…this shit is fucked up . We’ll convince the hell out of ourselves to stay in relationships where we’re miserable at worst, meh at best.

So when I encounter women who are genuine enough to admit the situation’s a fucked up AND then bold  enough to walk away from said fucked-up-ness, they elevate to a whole new level of badass in my opinion. Why? Because it’s hard AF to throw up those deuces after realizing you deserve better, to abandon familiar  (even if it is real fucked up, kinda fucked up, just a little fucked up) territory, uncertain of what new roads will bring. It’s scary and devastating. And it’s uncomfortable. And humiliating. And painful. And lonely.  And crushing. It requires a great deal of fortitude and fearlessness. It’s much, much easier to convince yourself that things aren’t so bad than to travel Walking Away’s  long, lonely, sad, devastating, scary, humiliating, uncomfortable ass road.

This is why I appreciate women who share their truth, who refuse to allow the opinions of society to dictate their next moves, who take status and image off the pedestal and give their joy and peace their rightful seat. And this is precisely why I want to  thank Angela for advising us not to remain where we aren’t valued, for encouraging us to put our happy back in the front seat, and for inspiring us to remain hopeful about the next chapter(s). I commend Demetria for not believing her validation was solely connected to being a man’s wife (that’s no small feat in our society), and for walking in the direction of being genuinely happy.

I would close out by wishing these two lovely ladies all the best on their new and courageous journeys but something tells me with faith in God, confidence, and tribes they both seem to possess, these lovely ladies will be just fine.

Closing thought: May we be inspired by fearless women.  May we be fearless women.