E-V-E-R-Y- thing seems to revolve around being “chosen” ( I’ve grown to hate this term btw). Getting your ass chose is put on the highest of pedestals, viewed as the end all be all, it’s the winning lottery ticket, the golden egg, the only real purpose for our existence. Duh! (I’m being sarcastic). It’s as if society is saying, and on a very frequent basis, “Darling, I know you got interests and ideas and I see you got your little hobbies; I see you in all those organizations giving back to your community; And I really like how you’re all creative and talented and smart and shit; and look at you hitting all your life goals and targets and what not; you just doing all types of dope shit. (Long pause) But…(another long pause)…have you managed to get your ass chose yet??? I mean, all that other stuff is cool and all but it don’t really mean shit if you ain’t out in these streets getting chose.” How ludicrous! (This word still makes me chuckle) I’m saddened when I engage, directly and indirectly, with women who are clinging on to The “Get Chose” Narrative. This narrative is such a Basic B#*tch. Overbearing and a bully, preying on and harassing women all over the world. Recruiting friends, family, media, anything and anyone to do its dirty work—nag the hell out of “unchosen” and unfortunately chosen women alike, causing them to question their worth and doubt their dopeness. This narrative convinces single women to settle (slum) just so they can be on the other side of the conversation and it encourages unhappily involved women to endure and stick in out just to avoid taking the long road back to Single City.
Women are pressured to leap over hurdles and jump through hoops just to be noticed. And then there’s pressure to master a series of mazes to be deemed “The Chosen One”. Be appealing. Stand out. Don’t ask that too soon. Don’t share how you really feel. Just shut your mouth for now. Be a good girl in public and a freak in private. Be smart but don’t be a know it all. Be stylish and sassy…but not too sexy. Be ambitious but not intimidating, adventurous but not too wild, full of thought but not too talkative. Be a “Pick Me” kind of girl. Just do whatever you gotta do–even if it’s not you–to be selected. Do whatEVER you have to do to get to Chosenville. Understand? Hitch a ride with whomever’s going that way. Just get there! Never mind compatibility, if values and principles align, or said person’s capacity to bring joy, happiness, and added peace to your life. (Girl you asking for too much! And you’re too damn selective! Who told you were entitled to peace and happiness? Ummm…my creator did. It’s like my birthright. Just take what’s readily and easily available and be happy your ass “finally got chose”.) I’m sorry. Say what now?
No! I will the fuck not. Just be happy to be “chose”. (And you better not either.) I will the fuck not take whosoever will have me. I will not contribute to the antiquated narrative that a women’s worth is solely measured by who deems her want-able, who invites her to sit at the “cool table”. I will not participate in the bullying of single women. I will not encourage women to simply take any man just so she can say she has a man. I will not encourage (ever) any woman to be so preoccupied with being chosen that she neglects to do her own choosing. I choose not to idolize being chosen to the point I neglect common sense. I choose not to be a slave to other people’s opinion of me. I choose to protect my peace even if that means extending my stay in Single City a bit longer (I got time). And lastly, I refuse to play this game called Life from the bench, desperately waiting for someone to pick and put me in the game. I have (And so do you!) way too much energy, zest, and sparkle to live life like that. I choose to enjoy life today. I choose to get in the game today…and everyday (regardless of status). I choose a NEW narrative. IDGAFWDFWM. I fux with me. Which basically means, I choose not to wait for someone else to choose me. I’m choosing “my motherfucking self.” So move. I’m up next…
Note: I’m quoting Gabrielle Union from her latest book We’re Going to Need More Wine in blogpost title. Her book is a must read by the way! I’m loving it!