Miss Independence

546F410A-360F-4E7E-A4A8-22953742D894My WCE for the month ( Thee entire month!) of July, is without question, Judge  Amber Givens-Davis.  While I was casually scrolling FB the other night, her photo quickly caught my attention. Hold up! Who is that? Scroll back up.   I don’t believe I’ve seen a judge give it how she gave it.  And that’s not to short change other black women judges who consistently give us diva, glam, class, sass, sophistication, and more. But Givens-Davis, with her shaved sides (Shaved sides y’all!) poppin matte lip, fleeky eyebrows, lux lashes, and overall mood, eased her way into home plate for a total Rockstar-Badass home run. And do you know what I love more than a poppin lip?? A poppin lip on a woman who basks in  authentic confidence, unadulterated boldness.

“I don’t separate my person from my job,” she said. “But it just so happens that my person is being highlighted because of the audacity that I have to be myself. But my job is very serious. I take it very seriously.”

Independence is freedom. Independence is strength. Independence is nonconforming.  Independence is confidence. Independence is self governing. Independence is free thinking.  Independence is having “the audacity” to be yourself.  Judge Amber Givens-Davis showed up precisely how she wanted to show up. That’s freedom.  That’s independence. Unfazed by what others thought of her. Unbothered by what others deemed appropriate and acceptable. She showed up in boldness. In confidence. In all her Black Girl Magic glory. Without apology.  Givens-Davis consequently hits a double homerun when she meets with young girls and encourages them to do the same,  to express their individuality without apology, encouraging them (all of us really) to flex (or continue flexing) that independence.

Thank you Judge Amber Givens-Davis for being so fierce and unapologetic. Thank you for pouring into our girls in a lasting and meaningful way. Thank you for reminding us that we are the CEO’s of our individuality and self expression. Thank you for having the courage to show up as you are,  thus empowering many other women and girls to show up as they are. Lastly, thank you for your  life giving slay.

Happy Miss Independence Day to you and women everywhere. Today and always…

 

 

 

 

 

CultureFestDMV: The Recap

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This teacher is SO ready to call it a wrap, throw in the towel, hang it up, ditch School Year 18/19, or however you prefer phrasing it. I’m ready to get my summer on! And what’s synonymous with summer??? Festivals! CultureFest DMV was the perfect preview for a summer filled with friends, family, food, fun, and festivals (insert smile huge smile here). The location was perfect and the weather even better. Parking wasn’t a challenge and the venue was open enough (this year) where if you needed a moment to take a breather and a break from all the hype, you could easily do so and just people watch from the sidelines.

CultureFest brought artists and dj’s from various locations throughout the diaspora to rock out for and with us…8EA5F4DD-5651-497F-99E0-ACDA70ECD94BIn addition to the main stage, there were two party “tents”, smaller in size but large in “turn up”. I was supposed to just be poking my head in one, then heading out. However the music and fun were flowing so I found myself hanging out until the event was just about over.

If I had to pick 3 (just 3) things I enjoyed most about CultureFestDMV 2019 I’d have to say:

1. The Energy

You ever go someplace and can literally feel good vibes in the air, oozing off and out of everybody? People are smiling at each other and being extra nice just because. Worries and concerns are left at the gate. So everybody’s traveling lighter. Looser. Friendlier. Happier.  That kind of energy is so inviting, so contagious. So intoxicating.

2. The Music

Duh! Music has the power to take us to another dimension. It boosts our moods (the right music), takes us back to the good old days while giving us hope for the future. And if you listen, for hours, to feel good music, accompanied by a rack of other folk also feeling amazing and hopeful, it’s impossible not to become “intoxicated” (high off the vibes).

3. The Fashion

Festivals are synonymous with fashion. I love an opportunity to see how my fellow black girls put it together. We’re just so “ YAAASSS Girl!” with it. Bright colors, cool patterns, shoulders out, crop tops, shorts, flowy dresses, ripped denim, curls, twists, and lips poppin, shades. Man…all of it. You name it. Knowing what you what to express, then expressing/communicating it without saying a word…that’s the definition of style and fashion to me. And Black girls (yes I’m biased…but I’m also telling the truth) are LOADED with it. It’s like…our birthright. The girls were on point Saturday. And I can’t front, the fellas were too. While some preferred the typical summer day uniform for fellas (T-shirt, shorts/denim), others came out in their print button downs, attire to represent home, and slip ins. I peeped them looking oh so “swaggy”.

If I could make just one small request moving forward it would be to include even more representation from throughout the African diaspora (African-American, European, Haitian, South American, etc.) in the spirit of Doing-It-For-The-Culture (Doing-It-For-The-Diaspora).

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In closing, I’m hoping your summer calendar is filled with loads of activities centered around family, friends, food, fun, and of course, a festival or two…

 

Fun Fact: I repurposed this head wrap and wore it bandeau style Saturday. Looking forward to sporting this look all summer…

 

T. BanX

 

A20EE774-78F7-420A-B763-761910C8278ETyra Banks gave us our whole entire lives appearing (reappearing) on the cover of Sports Illustrated. In addition to sexy swimsuits, Tyra was also rockin a total vibe. She exuded sass, grace, wisdom, unbotheredness, and above all confidence.  I have deep admiration for women who have decided to live life on their own terms and in their own lanes.  Women who don’t conform to rules imposed on them by society. Women who they create their own rules. Women who get “sexier” with age. Women who inspire other women to be their best self. Tyra has consistently been a rule creator and an inspiration for women. With acting, TV Show-hosting and creating,  studying at Harvad, being a business woman, authoring, and more, she’s shown us that we don’t have to be trapped inside a box, afraid to remix ourselves. Tyra’s encouraged us to explore , discover, and create new versions of ourselves. She’s been our Beauty Coach and Cheerleader, telling us that we’re beautiful (size, shape, curves, cellulite, complexion, hair texture, age being of no consequence) teaching us to smize, to work our angles, to boldly glide into a room and work it! She’s modeled for us how to speak our truth and stand up to naysayers, bullies, and body-shamers (“Kiss. My. Fat. Ass!”)

And today we see Tyra in all her forty-fine-as-hell (45) years of glory, encouraging women in my demographic not to dare hang our “sexy”  up just yet. And when I think of a woman’s “sexy” I’m not just talking about how hot she looks in a two-piece.  I’m considering her confidence, her grace, her ambition, her fearlessness in navigating her own unique path, her expression, her thirst for adventure, her strength and independence , her being in tuned with her truth, her creativity, her drive to be better, her treatment of herself (and others), her persistence in room either being made or making room for herself, her smile, her style, her vibe. Tyra BanX smashing the cover of SI in 2019  exuded All. Of. That. “sexy”…  to me.  I appreciate her for consistently being an inspiration to myself and women all over the world, reminding us that we’re everything we need to be, more than enough, beautiful.  Thank you Ms. Banx for your “sexy” inspiration…

“This is for everybody that has been told that they are not good enough because of their body, their age, their everything. BanX is here to tell you that your ARE friggin’ fierce no matter what anybody says! Drops mic now!”

Sorry, No Love Guru Here…

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While having girl talk with friends the other night, someone asked me,” So what do you think about all of this? You’re the relationship expert.” I laughed so hard! Me? “Relationship expert”!?  “Shiiiid”. I couldn’t disagree more. And that’s no shade to myself at all. Just pure honesty. (To thine own self be true).  I don’t consider myself a master of love and relationships. If I had to assess my areas of weakness, I’d say I can be too naive at times. I’m too generous with seeing the good, believing and trusting in people. I’m partial to giving the benefit.  And lastly, I can be  way “too nice”…until…you have really pissed me the fuck off.

With that said I cannot, in good conscience, allow anyone to give me credit for mastering love (yet). However, I, without shame, do pride myself on being a master of something! And that’s bouncing back (I’m a season bounce backer) and striving to live my best life after heartbreak… and always.

Last Night I Took an L But Tonight I Bounce Back…

When Auntie Retha told us, “Don’t believe your life is over just because your man is gone. Love yourself enough to know that without him your life goes on. ” I felt that deep down in my core (A Rose Is Still A Rose ). So much so that every book I’ve ever written (a whopping two) centered around one central theme: I know that shit hurts, but life goes on. I know how devastating it is to really want to go the distance with someone only to realize it’s not happening. I know how infuriating it is to have sacrificed and compromised for very little regard in return. I know how humiliating it is explaining  another relationship didn’t work out.  I know how humbling it is to admit “I missed or ignored the signs.”  In sum,  I know how painful it is to have loved and loss. But the good news…No!…the GREAT news is that Life. Goes. On. Ask me how I know. Experience taught me. That’s how I know.  And OMG! there’s just something so magical, so courageous, so empowering, so confidence boosting, so swag elevating, so badass, about wiping your tears, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and refusing to crumble just because that man is gone (or was asked to leave). There’s  something gangsta about pushing through and putting your energy and focus on making you a better you.

The Only Life I’m Trying To Live is My Best Life (“PERIODT!”)

Life is colorful AF. I want women too understand this, and to get in on the good stuff!  I don’t care if you’re single, never been married, never getting married, divorced, whatever!  There’s no reason why you should not be enjoying your life to thee absolute fullest! Your status should not dictate how lit (exciting, full) your life is and can be. I’m saddened, crushed when I see my peoples (women folk) unhappy and struggling with this concept.  Instead of living their best (lit, lively, exciting, purposeful, balanced, fulfilling, productive, happy) life now, they’re  waiting for a new man or for an old man to return before claiming  BLL (Best Life Living) . Stop that!  I’m trying to live my best life today. I’m shooting my shots today. I’m trying to create meaningful memories today. I’m not waiting to be happy. I ain’t got time.  And any/every good thing that has my name on it I want now…and later.  The LMBL train is on the move girl and we need you on board!  Don’t subtract from your life by refusing to live your fullest life. Add on girl! Add on…

As always, thank you for stopping by. My hope is that you find a nugget or two to take away from this message. If so, please feel free to comment, share and /or repost. Until next time…Peace and Love.

 

Sassy, Spicy, and Single

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Following is an excerpt from my first book. This particular chapter focuses on the importance of  pursuing and living your best single girl life with sass and spice (insert wink here).

Chapter 4: You’re accepting the breakup as a lesson learned, an opportunity for personal growth, a blessing in disguise, You’re living life in the Single Lane. But that’s no excuse to be bland. It’s only an excuse to regain or even better…upgrade your sassy and your spicy.

Sassy: Lively, bold, and full of spirit.

Spicy: Exciting! Flavorful!

Fun Is Necessary!

Being single and miserable, or miserably single, should not be your adopted style of choice…not ever! Singlehood is a time to make your life as flavorful as possible, Have fun–and loads of it. Fun can and must be had in a variety of ways. Hanging out with your family, having slumber parties with your besties, salsa dancing, and paint parties are just a few examples of how to keep fun and flavorful times in your life. Who said you had to be a certified event planner to act as one? Keep your calendar filled with awesome activities and exciting events.

Consider hosting movie nights, game nights, and taco and guacamole nights. You and your besties can rotate planning and hosting events. Events can be potluck styled so your pockets are not worn thin in the name of having a good time. Send out cutesy Evites for your sassy, spciy, and single slumber parties, spa dates, or mani-pedi dates. Bring an amazing attitude and a bright smile to each and every event. Keep your camera phone close by so you can capture your sassy and spicy moments. Your goal is to have loads of fun and loads of laughs and loads of spice and loads of sass!

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You Gotta Have Some Goals!

In addition to being a girl who just wants to have fun, chase new experiences and opportunities so you can gain new perspectives on yourself and the world around you. Travel. Visit places–near and far–you’ve always wanted to venture to. Take thousands of pictures while you’re visiting so you can relive your wonderful experiences over and over again. What else have you always wanted to do but failed to find the time, energy, or courage to? Start a polish line? Attend a painting class? Pole dancing? Zumba? Skydiving? Snorkeling? Write a book? Start a business? Enroll in cosmetology school? You’re operating in “Me Zone” now. Me Zone affords you the luxury and pleasure of being and doing you. This is the perfect time to embark on a deliberate pursuit of what (all) you want. Just go for it…whatever “it” may be.

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from the book Boy Bye!  Click to preview (and or purchase ) more of this selection.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Doubt. Do…

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Road tripped home for Thanksgiving this year, and thanks to Audible, the 14-hour drive (round-trip) was hardly “a snooze”. Jen Sincero (along with our Forever First Lady) kept me company. And they were both delights might I add. I decided to revisit Jen’s Badass series first, and I quickly realized I should be revisiting her work daily. (Not annually. Not quarterly. Not monthly. Not weekly. But DAILY!). She’s got me feeling all “badassery” now (again). Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. (Feeling like a total badass.) From time to time,  Doubt enjoys crashing my Badass parties. She’s probably crashed a few of yours as well. I’ll be rocking out, having a blast, feeling myself, all ready to face new challenges and adventures. Then here comes this  *****! Who invited her anyways? She needs to be escorted out. Immediately!

But we don’t always and swiftly escort Doubt out and away. We allow her to stay a while instead. Nag us. Make us second-guess ourselves. Doubt is a total vibe killer; a ball buster. She changes the record and totally kills the vibe at the party. One minute we’re in our zone, we’re grooving, ready to tackle some risks, feeling as us and as confident as can be. Then, all of a sudden, our badass record–affirming ourselves, being confident, up for any challenge, fearlessness, dream chasing—screeches. And stops. Doubt puts her bullshit ass records —You can’t do that! You better play it safe. Who do you think you are? —on. Then we start to talk ourselves out of what we really want, what divinely belongs to us. Opportunities are left un-pursued, ideas untouched, goals underachieved. And not because we’re not capable, or talented, or badass enough. But simply because we let doubt get in and stay in our heads. We become less daring and more doubtful of ourselves. Instead of shutting her down (Bye Bitch!), we allow Doubt to convince us we’re not good or worthy enough, that the best thing to do is to play it safe and small. She encourages us to “play to not lose instead of playing to win.”

I am vowing for the rest of 2018, all 2019, and the rest of my life to be as mindful as possible about how I interact with Doubt. I want to shut her down quicker, faster from here on out. I don’t want doubt talking me out of ( I don’t want to allow Doubt to talk me out of) anything that belongs to me.

I’m uncertain what new venture Doubt has you stepping back from and respectfully declining. It could be something as simple as writing a blog post. Or starting your business or writing that script or ditching a gig you hate for one you know you’ll love or leaving his ass or shooting your shot with her or taking your health and fitness back one meal and cardio session at a time or  booking the trip or relocating to another country or  saying “I’m sorry”…first. Whatever you’re afraid, scared to do (and most of us are afraid and scared to do something) if I can kindly suggest to you–Don’t doubt. Do. “Just do it.” Just start doing it. Just start. With one step. Toward your goal. This may mean starting things afraid. It may mean having to learn as you go. It may mean building your confidence as you do. But who cares! Do it anyway.

Dear Doubt…Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’m good luv. Enjoy.

 

 

WCW: The Lioness of Africa

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It took me a whopping thirty seconds to realize…Wow! I like this girl. She’s got spunk! I was initially intrigued by her physical presentation. The “rock star” hair, badass outfits, vibrant accessories, super fit bod, and that silky-smooth, Hershey chocolate skin of hers. And then she started to speak. I went from being intrigued (pleasantly) to being totally captivated and under Wiyaala’s spell. Amongst other things, she shares with us the reviews she received as a young girl. That she was ugly, boyish looking, too muscular. Her response was everything. “I don’t care.” Similarly, later in life when Wiyaala was encouraged to try Beyoncé or Rhianna’s look, she kept that same (I don’t care. I’m doing me) energy. She shades no one, but confidently affirms that although she’s in an industry that glorifies a particular “look”, she will not be conforming–she’d rather rock out in her own way, in her own lane. It’s as if self-confidence and self-awareness are just oozing all over and out of this girl. I LOVE that! The confidence to say, “This is who I am and I am not changing.” Being comfortable enough in your skin to own who you are, to not need anyone’s stamp of approval. To me, this is the epitome of living your best life.

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In addition to being uber comfortable in her skin, Wiyaala is a determined and talented artist, dedicated to giving back to her community. I’m a total fan of “The Lioness of Africa”! She’s got beauty, grit, confidence, and a kind and giving heart. In a nutshell, she’s Dope AF. And my #WCE.

Lavender Lemonade

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Hey Girls Hey!!! Lavender Lemonade will be available SO soon! I’m so excited I wanted to share a sneak preview with you today. Meet Deja, Nia, and Tish–three friends who are hungry for love.  The friends find themselves desperately desiring and willing to do anything for love, as many (Shiiiiid! ALL ) of us can relate to. But as we all know, that shit gets real tricky, can be quite disappointing, and is oftentimes an open invitation for settling. Tish, Deja, and Nia learn the hard way that something as precious as real love and true commitment cant be forced, rushed, or mocked. However, the most meaningful lesson these three friends learn is that loving yourself first is the golden key that unlocks the door to living your biggest, fullest, and happiest life.

Deja…

But Tage wasn’t just any man to Deja. She genuinely wanted him to be her man. She saw herself marrying and carrying babies for him. And although their “connection-ship” provided her plenty of room for desire, Deja was too wrapped up in the moment, too wrapped up in the possibilities, too wrapped up in being someone special to someone (to anyone), too wrapped up in maybe one day, too wrapped up into him to demand (gently request) more. Deep down she knew she wanted more (exclusivity, commitment, a title), figured she probably deserved more out of a “relationship” but fear of losing the little she did have with Tage paralyzed her from rocking the boat. So for the last two years (and counting), she settled (slummed) for their bi-monthly Netflix and Chill themed play dates.

Nia…

During their last talk, Raheem fed Nia enough lines to keep her in tow for another year and a half, sans proposal and ring. And considering all the time already invested, her cake candles count, the dismal dating scene her single girlfriends were always crying over, Nia elected to hang in there a little longer, hoping that one day, one month, one year this man would finally stop hazing her and officially initiate her into The First Wives Club. During that year and a half, Nia remained hopeful. She also put her desires on the backburner, bit her tongue, refused to make mention of anything related to marriage. She consoled herself by focusing on how lucky she was to even have a man at all with all these single girls out here trying to get what she already had. Things may not be perfect. He may not be forthcoming with his intentions to marry me (or not), but at least I have a man, she would tell herself (while trying to convince herself).

However, Nia started to notice a recent shift in her attitude toward Raheem and their relationship. The closer she got to 35, the less lucky, the less satisfied she found herself feeling about her role as The Possible Forever Girlfriend. It was becoming more and more difficult to convince herself that she wasn’t being strung along, that she should just be happy with what she had (even though she wanted more).   Nia was growing tired of the same-old-same-old. She was ready for a change.

Tish…

Their arrangement was quite exhilarating for Tish in the beginning. She was single. Had no one to answer to. Wasn’t in need of being taken care of financially. Could do whatever she pleased. And at the time, unattached, casual, fun sex with a guy who knew his way around the bedroom was exactly what she pleased. But of late, she honestly didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to play the Young, Wild, Free, and Having Way Too Much Fun card. It was increasingly becoming less and less thrilling. Tish found herself trying to calculate, exactly, what was so exciting about a man only enjoying and appreciating her for her physical offerings quite often lately.

Tish wasn’t particularly interested in a relationship with Dray, to be honest. He didn’t seem to possess the qualities she deemed admirable in a man, like trustworthiness, loyalty, self-discipline, honesty, reliability, and selflessness.Nonetheless, she was secretly becoming more and more irritated by the fact Dray could lay up with her week after week, month after month, and not see her, really see her. That he could not take notice of and appreciate all the many things she had to offer besides sex. Their sexual trysts were becoming emotionally and spiritually draining.   Their “arrangement” was starting to no longer align with her spirit and thinking–I am so much more than this. I deserve more than this.

Stay tuned to find out what happens next with Deja, Nia, and Tish…

As always, thank you so kindly for  stopping by and taking a sneak peek into my first novelette. More information on its release date, availability, and sneak peeks coming soon (like next week soon)!

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Fun Fact! My friends and I are the cover models for Lavender Lemonade. After the artist flaked my friends came to the rescue.

 

 

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                                                        After the City Center “photo shoot” we got our passports stamped…

 

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Then we enjoyed sweet, cold, and tasty treats.    

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“I Choose My Motherfucking Self”

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E-V-E-R-Y- thing seems to revolve around being “chosen” ( I’ve grown to hate this term btw). Getting your ass chose is put on the highest of pedestals, viewed as the end all be all, it’s the winning lottery ticket, the golden egg, the only real purpose for our existence. Duh! (I’m being sarcastic). It’s as if society is saying, and on a very frequent basis, “Darling, I know you got interests and ideas and I see you got your little hobbies; I see you in all those organizations giving back to your community; And I really like how you’re all creative and talented and smart and shit; and look at you hitting all your life goals and targets and what not; you just doing all types of dope shit. (Long pause) But…(another long pause)…have you managed to get your ass chose yet??? I mean, all that other stuff is cool and all but it don’t really mean shit if you ain’t out in these streets getting chose.” How ludicrous! (This word still makes me chuckle) I’m saddened when I engage, directly and indirectly, with women who are clinging on to The “Get Chose” Narrative. This narrative is such a Basic B#*tch. Overbearing and a bully, preying on and harassing women all over the world. Recruiting friends, family, media, anything and anyone to do its dirty work—nag the hell out of “unchosen” and unfortunately chosen women alike, causing them to question their worth and doubt their dopeness. This narrative convinces single women to settle (slum) just so they can be on the other side of the conversation and it encourages unhappily involved women to endure and stick in out just to avoid taking the long road back to Single City.

Women are pressured to leap over hurdles and jump through hoops just to be noticed. And then there’s pressure to master a series of mazes to be deemed “The Chosen One”. Be appealing. Stand out. Don’t ask that too soon. Don’t share how you really feel. Just shut your mouth for now.  Be a good girl in public and a freak in private. Be smart but don’t be a know it all. Be stylish and sassy…but not too sexy. Be ambitious but not intimidating, adventurous but not too wild, full of thought but not too talkative.  Be a “Pick Me” kind of girl. Just do whatever you gotta do–even if it’s not you–to be selected. Do whatEVER you have to do to get to Chosenville. Understand?  Hitch a ride with whomever’s going that way. Just get there!  Never mind compatibility, if values and principles align, or said person’s capacity to bring joy, happiness, and added peace to your  life. (Girl you asking for too much! And you’re too damn selective! Who told you were entitled to peace and happiness?  Ummm…my creator did. It’s like my birthright. Just take what’s readily and easily available and  be happy your ass “finally got chose”.)  I’m sorry. Say what now?

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No! I will the fuck not. Just be happy to be “chose”.  (And you better not either.) I will the fuck not take whosoever will have me. I will not contribute to the antiquated  narrative that a women’s worth is solely measured by who deems her want-able, who invites her to sit at the “cool table”.  I will not participate in the bullying of single women. I will not encourage women to simply take any man just so she can say she has a man. I will not encourage (ever) any woman to be so preoccupied with being chosen that she neglects to do her own choosing.  I choose not to idolize being chosen to the point I neglect common sense. I choose not to be a slave to other people’s opinion of me. I choose to protect my peace even if that means extending my stay in Single City a bit longer (I got time).   And lastly, I refuse to play this game called Life from the bench, desperately waiting for someone to pick and put me in the game.   I have (And so do you!) way too much energy, zest, and sparkle to live life like that.  I choose to enjoy life today.  I choose to get in the game today…and everyday (regardless of status).  I choose a NEW narrative. IDGAFWDFWM. I fux with me. Which basically means, I choose not to wait for someone else to choose me. I’m choosing “my motherfucking self.” So move.  I’m up next…

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Note: I’m quoting Gabrielle Union from her latest book We’re Going to Need More Wine in blogpost title. Her book is a must read by the way! I’m loving it!

Pretty Girl Keri

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Tracie Ellis Ross, with her confident and badass self, secured the last #WCW spot but this  week, Pretty Girl Keri is in First Place. While reading her most recent IG post my main sentiment was “You go girl!”. Following is a breakdown of my favorite lines from said post.

“I’m single by choice.”  It’s often assumed that all single women are sad and lonely and agonizing over being chosen (or not). It’s hard for folk to understand that being single can be a choice and that not all women view a single season as a punishment or curse.

“I believe in reflecting, growing, & healing in between relationships.”    Racing from relationship to relationship as if we’re trying to get to some imaginary finish can’t be healthy.  I once believed the reward after heartbreak and recovery was meeting someone finer, richer, and more awesome than the former beau. And the possibility of meeting someone who meets that criteria is certainly one of the perks of giving love another chance. However, I no longer believe that’s the sole reward or treat. I strongly feel the true reward is in your growing–growing smarter, stronger, more confident, growing spiritually, growing creatively, etc. Some may contest this but I believe this type of  growth and growing happens best when a woman is in her single season. She has time to reflect, get in tune with who she is again, determine who she wants to be moving forward. She’s more intentional  about connecting with her source.  During the in between (single season)  she refuses to crumble and a stubborn refusal to crumble does wonders for a women’s self confidence. That’s why you see women, who take the time needed to heal and grow, all glow’d the fuck up when they’re in between relationships. Glow ups are simply outward expressions of healing and growth. But when we jump too quickly into new relationships, fail to take advantage of being all about us AF, we short change ourselves.

“I don’t Tarzan swing from vine to vine out of fear, loneliness, ego, or validation..” 

I hate that we live in a world where a woman is made to feel worthy or unworthy based on who loves her. Society tries to force feed us all these silly snacks (You’re worth is based on who chooses you.). We then spend way too much time searching for validation in the form of love and relationships (often times the wrong relationships).   I love interacting with fearless women, directly and indirectly, who simply don’t subscribe, who don’t rely on men/relationships to validate who they are as women.

“…cuz I truly enjoy my life by myself, too. I’m not waiting or looking.”

There’s SO much life to be lived and enjoyed. It saddens me when women refuse to partake in life’s festivities, to taste its sweetness, because they feel the party can’t start until their single status changes. My hope for all of us is that we  create lives for ourselves that are full of enjoyment,  that we truly enjoy our lives so much so that we’re “not waiting or looking”. We’re just out here living (“We living B.”).

 

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Keri Hilson’s IG Post/Caption