How To Take full advantage of your single

Photo by Radomir Jordanovic on Pexels.com

If you are trying to fast forward this season, using the majority of your single girl seconds consumed with how quickly you can snag your next boo ( a boo, any boo), married to the story that being single sucks, then you are not using your time wisely OR joyfully. Sulking, inviting misery (lack of joy and gratitude) to camp out with you, reminding yourself every second of how much you hate it here in Singleville, and judging your life based on hashtag couples goals photos is a set up. As a result, you are low vibing. And unfortunately, low vibes attract more low vibes.

Keep reading for tips on how to boost your joy and your vibration during your single season.

Tips On How To Take Full Advantage Of Your Single Season:

  • Invest in meeting improved versions of yourself. Journal. Talk to a therapist. Develop your spiritual practice. Learn about your unhelpful characteristics and toxic/unhealthy traits ( we all have a few). Pivot as needed. The more you learn and improve, the more you will want to learn and improve. It’s quite possibly the greatest act of Self Love.
  • Learn to enjoy your own company: Spend time doing things you enjoy, sans a committee (friends. family, late night visitors, etc.,). Sometimes we’re afraid of extended time alone with ourselves because we have not yet learned the value in our solitude. We’re always searching for others to keep time with us. Try doing a few things alone (and not begrudgingly), Give yourself a chance to enjoy your own company.
  • Try new things. Go on a hike if you’ve never been. Check out that new winery and stomp grapes while you’re there. Take the course. Try the new hair color. Change careers. Plant the garden. Commit to trying and learning new things. This is a great way to learn, adventure, and boost your joy.
  • Get Social. Investigate creative ways to interact with people, A virtual book club. A virtual plant group. An online course. Outdoor outings. Having a life of your own, a social calendar filled with purposeful and fun activities (even during a pandemic) is a must for maximizing your stay in Singleville. Interacting with other positive individuals, hearing new perspectives, sharing your thoughts and ideas are great ways to become a better you. (Learn to enjoy your own company AND make time to socialize. You can do both.)
  • Create. Look for ways to express your creative side. We all have a creative side. (God is a creative genius. He’s literally THEE GOAT. We all have creative genius deposited inside of us. Lean into it.) Decorate a room. Play in makeup/clothes. Arrange a flower assortment. Write something. Choreograph a dance. Paint. Cook a meal. Creating is a joy booster. Boosted joy means a boosted vibration.
  • Have fun. Make having fun a priority. A non negotiable. If you’re denying yourself fun, not choosing or chasing fun, not creating fun during your single, it’s going to be a long and miserable ride.

You deserve joy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve adventures and growth. And you do not have to (you should not) wait until you’re evicted from Singleville to experience these things. You deserve them all today.

In closing, it’s always a pleasure writing for you. Feel free to leave a comment as it’s always good to hear from you as well. Meet me on IG for daily posts, updates, and more. http://instagram.com/rhondamarcellehall/

Kindest regards,

Rhonda Marcelle

4 Reasons Why I’m Really Digging Therapy

A9219F5F-69E7-4C45-B8D9-4A252E3C4FF6.jpegI have a friend (a few actually) who strongly advocates for therapy. I didn’t pay her gentle and numerous  suggestions much attention at first to be honest. Instead, I’d read her posts stating “ Everybody should get a therapists!” or “ Do yourself a favor. Go to therapy!”,consider for like a millisecond, then swiftly dismiss the idea with a Nah, I think I’m good.  I reasoned, I’m not in crisis right now. Plus, I have a few compassionate witnesses to vent to when I’m going through. That should be good enough.  I dodged therapy for years. After only three sessions I’m seeing I’ve been in my own way…for years. Yes, I love reading self help books, practicing gratitude, talking to God and writing my prayers out. Yes, I could’ve probably maintained and lived a decent life with doing just those things. But deep down I didn’t want to just maintain or live a decent life. I wanted to live my best life.  I wanted 40 to be my best year yet. So with the courtesy of a little nudging, I finally acquiesced.

While on vacay in Miami I mentioned to my friend, “Yeah. I’m thinking about going to a therapist. Maybe there are some things /new strategies I can learn to help me navigate my life journey better.” As soon as we got back from dinner my friend pulls her laptop out and says, “Let’s research some therapists in your area now.” Maybe she knew I’d talk myself out of going (again).  Maybe she knew my follow up game would be weak on this. Maybe she knew another friend had recommended someone just last year to me. I even took the contact information down. I visited the recommended therapist’s page. And that was as far as I got.  “But we’re on vacation”  I whined. “It can wait. I’ll do it once I get back to Maryland.” “No, we’re fine. Let’s do it now.” (In other words, Girl Bye).

Something about my now therapist’s face, her write up, and overall aura (through the screen) made me feel as if she was the one. And I was right! Although I was nervous about our initial 15 minute phone consultation (What am I going to say? What am I supposed to say?) it went rather smoothly. I felt safe and at ease while speaking with her during the brief consultation. She asked introductory questions and told me a little about herself. She asked me what prompted me to seek therapy at this time.  “We’ll, nothing’s really going on in my life right now. I turned 40 recently and I’d just like to become as self aware as possible.” She seemed pleased with my response. She assured me that self awareness was a great reason to seek therapy. That pleased me. We met the following week. On a Thursday. I was really nervous. I even considered rescheduling. A 15 minute phone chat was simple. But an entire hour of just talking? I may not be able to pull that off. What if she starts asking me questions that make me feel uncomfortable? What if I get stuck or mis-express myself  when asked cold questions ( I have a fear of misspeaking, not expressing my feelings and thoughts clearly.)  We’re just going to be sitting there looking at each other, trying to feel gaps of awkward silence I bet. Boy was I wrong! So, so, so wrong. Lol.

Therapy is:

1. An Opportunity to Speak and be Heard

I actually confused and amazed myself during my first session. I talked the ENTIRE time. I honestly didn’t think I had lots to talk about before that first session. In most settings with other adults ( I talk my head off in the classroom but that’s different. Lol)  I’m typically in the cut, listening and observing. So I surprised myself going on and on like a motor mouth.  I left her office feeling ten times lighter, as if I finally had a chance to unload all the thoughts circling around in my brain for God knows how long. Thoughts I didn’t even know I was trudging along with. My therapist lightly probed, was attentive, nodded her head to show she that she understood me. It all felt really good! And it made me want to share even more. Every other week it’s as if  I’m the host of an hour long talk show with an audience (my therapist) clinging on to my every word. The spotlight is solely on me. (Insert smile here.)

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2. Helping Me Get More In Tune With My Thoughts and Feelings

Remember when I said I have a fear of misspeaking, not clearly or articulately expressing my feelings and thoughts around said feelings? Instead of misspeaking or mis-expressing myself I’ve opted to simply not say anything (or much) at all.  I’ve learned, after 2 sessions, that this isn’t necessarily a case of ‘ That’s just how I am’ but rather… I’m not in tune enough (yet) with my own feelings to be as expressive as I’d like. I’m not certain about you but I didn’t grow up with a whole lot of emphasis on feelings. 8780E4E2-2DFA-47E2-AF39-99AEFE00A468.jpegYou grind and work hard. Handle your business. Understand that life happens. But under no circumstance are you to let it break you. That’s it.  And I’m not mad at this at all. I appreciate my upbringing immensely. But I also understand this could be why I’m at a slight deficit in the areas of feelings, emotions, and oral expression. My next assignment was to record my feelings in a journal. When given this assignment, I initially thought, Hmmm…not certain what this will accomplish but I’ll try it. Can I just say that that simple assignment has proven itself to be quite effective! I’m feeling more in tune with myself. Lol. My new favorite question for myself is, So how are you feeling right now? I journal about how I’m feeling, why I’m feeling said way, and develop a plan if need be (Like if I’m feeling stuck or discontent I spend time identifying why. Then come up with a few action steps I can realistically take to move toward being and feeling unstuck. Nothing will change over night but just having a plan in place feels so empowering!).

3. Helping Me Get in Tune With What I Really Want

I’m realizing there are areas in my life where my wants are fuzzy (unclear). “So what do you want?” my therapist has asked a few times. I pause and in a talking-singing voice respond, I don’t know. I didn’t beat myself up for not knowing. And let me tell you, for some reason it felt freaking amazing simply realizing and admitting the truth. I. Don’t. Know. I’m not getting what I really want because I haven’t taken the time to actually consider what I really want.  (Ah-hah moment!) But now I can address the fuzz and focus on what I really want.  I realize if I’m not clear (specific as hell), I’ll get (continue to get) ‘something, kinda, sorta but not quite’ what I really want.

4. Holds Me Accountable

I know I’m going to do the work (like reflecting on and outlining exactly what I want) because I’m being held accountable. I have shitloads of Self Help books but I don’t believe I’ve ever fully completed any of the suggested assignments that accompany them. I happen to follow through at a higher percentage with a little extra motivation. My therapist is like a coach who’s  not going to allow me to waste time playing goofy games, who wants me to perform at my absolute best.

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In closing,  I’m eager to uncover, learn, and pursue more during this journey. I wanted to become as self aware as possible during my 40Fine year.  I’m feeling so grateful that with the help of a therapist it’s happening. Slowly.   Surely. Happening…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Miss Independence

546F410A-360F-4E7E-A4A8-22953742D894My WCE for the month ( Thee entire month!) of July, is without question, Judge  Amber Givens-Davis.  While I was casually scrolling FB the other night, her photo quickly caught my attention. Hold up! Who is that? Scroll back up.   I don’t believe I’ve seen a judge give it how she gave it.  And that’s not to short change other black women judges who consistently give us diva, glam, class, sass, sophistication, and more. But Givens-Davis, with her shaved sides (Shaved sides y’all!) poppin matte lip, fleeky eyebrows, lux lashes, and overall mood, eased her way into home plate for a total Rockstar-Badass home run. And do you know what I love more than a poppin lip?? A poppin lip on a woman who basks in  authentic confidence, unadulterated boldness.

“I don’t separate my person from my job,” she said. “But it just so happens that my person is being highlighted because of the audacity that I have to be myself. But my job is very serious. I take it very seriously.”

Independence is freedom. Independence is strength. Independence is nonconforming.  Independence is confidence. Independence is self governing. Independence is free thinking.  Independence is having “the audacity” to be yourself.  Judge Amber Givens-Davis showed up precisely how she wanted to show up. That’s freedom.  That’s independence. Unfazed by what others thought of her. Unbothered by what others deemed appropriate and acceptable. She showed up in boldness. In confidence. In all her Black Girl Magic glory. Without apology.  Givens-Davis consequently hits a double homerun when she meets with young girls and encourages them to do the same,  to express their individuality without apology, encouraging them (all of us really) to flex (or continue flexing) that independence.

Thank you Judge Amber Givens-Davis for being so fierce and unapologetic. Thank you for pouring into our girls in a lasting and meaningful way. Thank you for reminding us that we are the CEO’s of our individuality and self expression. Thank you for having the courage to show up as you are,  thus empowering many other women and girls to show up as they are. Lastly, thank you for your  life giving slay.

Happy Miss Independence Day to you and women everywhere. Today and always…

 

 

 

 

 

T. BanX

 

A20EE774-78F7-420A-B763-761910C8278ETyra Banks gave us our whole entire lives appearing (reappearing) on the cover of Sports Illustrated. In addition to sexy swimsuits, Tyra was also rockin a total vibe. She exuded sass, grace, wisdom, unbotheredness, and above all confidence.  I have deep admiration for women who have decided to live life on their own terms and in their own lanes.  Women who don’t conform to rules imposed on them by society. Women who they create their own rules. Women who get “sexier” with age. Women who inspire other women to be their best self. Tyra has consistently been a rule creator and an inspiration for women. With acting, TV Show-hosting and creating,  studying at Harvad, being a business woman, authoring, and more, she’s shown us that we don’t have to be trapped inside a box, afraid to remix ourselves. Tyra’s encouraged us to explore , discover, and create new versions of ourselves. She’s been our Beauty Coach and Cheerleader, telling us that we’re beautiful (size, shape, curves, cellulite, complexion, hair texture, age being of no consequence) teaching us to smize, to work our angles, to boldly glide into a room and work it! She’s modeled for us how to speak our truth and stand up to naysayers, bullies, and body-shamers (“Kiss. My. Fat. Ass!”)

And today we see Tyra in all her forty-fine-as-hell (45) years of glory, encouraging women in my demographic not to dare hang our “sexy”  up just yet. And when I think of a woman’s “sexy” I’m not just talking about how hot she looks in a two-piece.  I’m considering her confidence, her grace, her ambition, her fearlessness in navigating her own unique path, her expression, her thirst for adventure, her strength and independence , her being in tuned with her truth, her creativity, her drive to be better, her treatment of herself (and others), her persistence in room either being made or making room for herself, her smile, her style, her vibe. Tyra BanX smashing the cover of SI in 2019  exuded All. Of. That. “sexy”…  to me.  I appreciate her for consistently being an inspiration to myself and women all over the world, reminding us that we’re everything we need to be, more than enough, beautiful.  Thank you Ms. Banx for your “sexy” inspiration…

“This is for everybody that has been told that they are not good enough because of their body, their age, their everything. BanX is here to tell you that your ARE friggin’ fierce no matter what anybody says! Drops mic now!”

Sorry, No Love Guru Here…

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While having girl talk with friends the other night, someone asked me,” So what do you think about all of this? You’re the relationship expert.” I laughed so hard! Me? “Relationship expert”!?  “Shiiiid”. I couldn’t disagree more. And that’s no shade to myself at all. Just pure honesty. (To thine own self be true).  I don’t consider myself a master of love and relationships. If I had to assess my areas of weakness, I’d say I can be too naive at times. I’m too generous with seeing the good, believing and trusting in people. I’m partial to giving the benefit.  And lastly, I can be  way “too nice”…until…you have really pissed me the fuck off.

With that said I cannot, in good conscience, allow anyone to give me credit for mastering love (yet). However, I, without shame, do pride myself on being a master of something! And that’s bouncing back (I’m a season bounce backer) and striving to live my best life after heartbreak… and always.

Last Night I Took an L But Tonight I Bounce Back…

When Auntie Retha told us, “Don’t believe your life is over just because your man is gone. Love yourself enough to know that without him your life goes on. ” I felt that deep down in my core (A Rose Is Still A Rose ). So much so that every book I’ve ever written (a whopping two) centered around one central theme: I know that shit hurts, but life goes on. I know how devastating it is to really want to go the distance with someone only to realize it’s not happening. I know how infuriating it is to have sacrificed and compromised for very little regard in return. I know how humiliating it is explaining  another relationship didn’t work out.  I know how humbling it is to admit “I missed or ignored the signs.”  In sum,  I know how painful it is to have loved and loss. But the good news…No!…the GREAT news is that Life. Goes. On. Ask me how I know. Experience taught me. That’s how I know.  And OMG! there’s just something so magical, so courageous, so empowering, so confidence boosting, so swag elevating, so badass, about wiping your tears, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and refusing to crumble just because that man is gone (or was asked to leave). There’s  something gangsta about pushing through and putting your energy and focus on making you a better you.

The Only Life I’m Trying To Live is My Best Life (“PERIODT!”)

Life is colorful AF. I want women too understand this, and to get in on the good stuff!  I don’t care if you’re single, never been married, never getting married, divorced, whatever!  There’s no reason why you should not be enjoying your life to thee absolute fullest! Your status should not dictate how lit (exciting, full) your life is and can be. I’m saddened, crushed when I see my peoples (women folk) unhappy and struggling with this concept.  Instead of living their best (lit, lively, exciting, purposeful, balanced, fulfilling, productive, happy) life now, they’re  waiting for a new man or for an old man to return before claiming  BLL (Best Life Living) . Stop that!  I’m trying to live my best life today. I’m shooting my shots today. I’m trying to create meaningful memories today. I’m not waiting to be happy. I ain’t got time.  And any/every good thing that has my name on it I want now…and later.  The LMBL train is on the move girl and we need you on board!  Don’t subtract from your life by refusing to live your fullest life. Add on girl! Add on…

As always, thank you for stopping by. My hope is that you find a nugget or two to take away from this message. If so, please feel free to comment, share and /or repost. Until next time…Peace and Love.

 

Sassy, Spicy, and Single

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Following is an excerpt from my first book. This particular chapter focuses on the importance of  pursuing and living your best single girl life with sass and spice (insert wink here).

Chapter 4: You’re accepting the breakup as a lesson learned, an opportunity for personal growth, a blessing in disguise, You’re living life in the Single Lane. But that’s no excuse to be bland. It’s only an excuse to regain or even better…upgrade your sassy and your spicy.

Sassy: Lively, bold, and full of spirit.

Spicy: Exciting! Flavorful!

Fun Is Necessary!

Being single and miserable, or miserably single, should not be your adopted style of choice…not ever! Singlehood is a time to make your life as flavorful as possible, Have fun–and loads of it. Fun can and must be had in a variety of ways. Hanging out with your family, having slumber parties with your besties, salsa dancing, and paint parties are just a few examples of how to keep fun and flavorful times in your life. Who said you had to be a certified event planner to act as one? Keep your calendar filled with awesome activities and exciting events.

Consider hosting movie nights, game nights, and taco and guacamole nights. You and your besties can rotate planning and hosting events. Events can be potluck styled so your pockets are not worn thin in the name of having a good time. Send out cutesy Evites for your sassy, spciy, and single slumber parties, spa dates, or mani-pedi dates. Bring an amazing attitude and a bright smile to each and every event. Keep your camera phone close by so you can capture your sassy and spicy moments. Your goal is to have loads of fun and loads of laughs and loads of spice and loads of sass!

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You Gotta Have Some Goals!

In addition to being a girl who just wants to have fun, chase new experiences and opportunities so you can gain new perspectives on yourself and the world around you. Travel. Visit places–near and far–you’ve always wanted to venture to. Take thousands of pictures while you’re visiting so you can relive your wonderful experiences over and over again. What else have you always wanted to do but failed to find the time, energy, or courage to? Start a polish line? Attend a painting class? Pole dancing? Zumba? Skydiving? Snorkeling? Write a book? Start a business? Enroll in cosmetology school? You’re operating in “Me Zone” now. Me Zone affords you the luxury and pleasure of being and doing you. This is the perfect time to embark on a deliberate pursuit of what (all) you want. Just go for it…whatever “it” may be.

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from the book Boy Bye!  Click to preview (and or purchase ) more of this selection.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t Doubt. Do…

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Road tripped home for Thanksgiving this year, and thanks to Audible, the 14-hour drive (round-trip) was hardly “a snooze”. Jen Sincero (along with our Forever First Lady) kept me company. And they were both delights might I add. I decided to revisit Jen’s Badass series first, and I quickly realized I should be revisiting her work daily. (Not annually. Not quarterly. Not monthly. Not weekly. But DAILY!). She’s got me feeling all “badassery” now (again). Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. (Feeling like a total badass.) From time to time,  Doubt enjoys crashing my Badass parties. She’s probably crashed a few of yours as well. I’ll be rocking out, having a blast, feeling myself, all ready to face new challenges and adventures. Then here comes this  *****! Who invited her anyways? She needs to be escorted out. Immediately!

But we don’t always and swiftly escort Doubt out and away. We allow her to stay a while instead. Nag us. Make us second-guess ourselves. Doubt is a total vibe killer; a ball buster. She changes the record and totally kills the vibe at the party. One minute we’re in our zone, we’re grooving, ready to tackle some risks, feeling as us and as confident as can be. Then, all of a sudden, our badass record–affirming ourselves, being confident, up for any challenge, fearlessness, dream chasing—screeches. And stops. Doubt puts her bullshit ass records —You can’t do that! You better play it safe. Who do you think you are? —on. Then we start to talk ourselves out of what we really want, what divinely belongs to us. Opportunities are left un-pursued, ideas untouched, goals underachieved. And not because we’re not capable, or talented, or badass enough. But simply because we let doubt get in and stay in our heads. We become less daring and more doubtful of ourselves. Instead of shutting her down (Bye Bitch!), we allow Doubt to convince us we’re not good or worthy enough, that the best thing to do is to play it safe and small. She encourages us to “play to not lose instead of playing to win.”

I am vowing for the rest of 2018, all 2019, and the rest of my life to be as mindful as possible about how I interact with Doubt. I want to shut her down quicker, faster from here on out. I don’t want doubt talking me out of ( I don’t want to allow Doubt to talk me out of) anything that belongs to me.

I’m uncertain what new venture Doubt has you stepping back from and respectfully declining. It could be something as simple as writing a blog post. Or starting your business or writing that script or ditching a gig you hate for one you know you’ll love or leaving his ass or shooting your shot with her or taking your health and fitness back one meal and cardio session at a time or  booking the trip or relocating to another country or  saying “I’m sorry”…first. Whatever you’re afraid, scared to do (and most of us are afraid and scared to do something) if I can kindly suggest to you–Don’t doubt. Do. “Just do it.” Just start doing it. Just start. With one step. Toward your goal. This may mean starting things afraid. It may mean having to learn as you go. It may mean building your confidence as you do. But who cares! Do it anyway.

Dear Doubt…Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’m good luv. Enjoy.

 

 

WCW: The Lioness of Africa

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It took me a whopping thirty seconds to realize…Wow! I like this girl. She’s got spunk! I was initially intrigued by her physical presentation. The “rock star” hair, badass outfits, vibrant accessories, super fit bod, and that silky-smooth, Hershey chocolate skin of hers. And then she started to speak. I went from being intrigued (pleasantly) to being totally captivated and under Wiyaala’s spell. Amongst other things, she shares with us the reviews she received as a young girl. That she was ugly, boyish looking, too muscular. Her response was everything. “I don’t care.” Similarly, later in life when Wiyaala was encouraged to try Beyoncé or Rhianna’s look, she kept that same (I don’t care. I’m doing me) energy. She shades no one, but confidently affirms that although she’s in an industry that glorifies a particular “look”, she will not be conforming–she’d rather rock out in her own way, in her own lane. It’s as if self-confidence and self-awareness are just oozing all over and out of this girl. I LOVE that! The confidence to say, “This is who I am and I am not changing.” Being comfortable enough in your skin to own who you are, to not need anyone’s stamp of approval. To me, this is the epitome of living your best life.

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In addition to being uber comfortable in her skin, Wiyaala is a determined and talented artist, dedicated to giving back to her community. I’m a total fan of “The Lioness of Africa”! She’s got beauty, grit, confidence, and a kind and giving heart. In a nutshell, she’s Dope AF. And my #WCE.

Lavender Lemonade

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Hey Girls Hey!!! Lavender Lemonade will be available SO soon! I’m so excited I wanted to share a sneak preview with you today. Meet Deja, Nia, and Tish–three friends who are hungry for love.  The friends find themselves desperately desiring and willing to do anything for love, as many (Shiiiiid! ALL ) of us can relate to. But as we all know, that shit gets real tricky, can be quite disappointing, and is oftentimes an open invitation for settling. Tish, Deja, and Nia learn the hard way that something as precious as real love and true commitment cant be forced, rushed, or mocked. However, the most meaningful lesson these three friends learn is that loving yourself first is the golden key that unlocks the door to living your biggest, fullest, and happiest life.

Deja…

But Tage wasn’t just any man to Deja. She genuinely wanted him to be her man. She saw herself marrying and carrying babies for him. And although their “connection-ship” provided her plenty of room for desire, Deja was too wrapped up in the moment, too wrapped up in the possibilities, too wrapped up in being someone special to someone (to anyone), too wrapped up in maybe one day, too wrapped up into him to demand (gently request) more. Deep down she knew she wanted more (exclusivity, commitment, a title), figured she probably deserved more out of a “relationship” but fear of losing the little she did have with Tage paralyzed her from rocking the boat. So for the last two years (and counting), she settled (slummed) for their bi-monthly Netflix and Chill themed play dates.

Nia…

During their last talk, Raheem fed Nia enough lines to keep her in tow for another year and a half, sans proposal and ring. And considering all the time already invested, her cake candles count, the dismal dating scene her single girlfriends were always crying over, Nia elected to hang in there a little longer, hoping that one day, one month, one year this man would finally stop hazing her and officially initiate her into The First Wives Club. During that year and a half, Nia remained hopeful. She also put her desires on the backburner, bit her tongue, refused to make mention of anything related to marriage. She consoled herself by focusing on how lucky she was to even have a man at all with all these single girls out here trying to get what she already had. Things may not be perfect. He may not be forthcoming with his intentions to marry me (or not), but at least I have a man, she would tell herself (while trying to convince herself).

However, Nia started to notice a recent shift in her attitude toward Raheem and their relationship. The closer she got to 35, the less lucky, the less satisfied she found herself feeling about her role as The Possible Forever Girlfriend. It was becoming more and more difficult to convince herself that she wasn’t being strung along, that she should just be happy with what she had (even though she wanted more).   Nia was growing tired of the same-old-same-old. She was ready for a change.

Tish…

Their arrangement was quite exhilarating for Tish in the beginning. She was single. Had no one to answer to. Wasn’t in need of being taken care of financially. Could do whatever she pleased. And at the time, unattached, casual, fun sex with a guy who knew his way around the bedroom was exactly what she pleased. But of late, she honestly didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to play the Young, Wild, Free, and Having Way Too Much Fun card. It was increasingly becoming less and less thrilling. Tish found herself trying to calculate, exactly, what was so exciting about a man only enjoying and appreciating her for her physical offerings quite often lately.

Tish wasn’t particularly interested in a relationship with Dray, to be honest. He didn’t seem to possess the qualities she deemed admirable in a man, like trustworthiness, loyalty, self-discipline, honesty, reliability, and selflessness.Nonetheless, she was secretly becoming more and more irritated by the fact Dray could lay up with her week after week, month after month, and not see her, really see her. That he could not take notice of and appreciate all the many things she had to offer besides sex. Their sexual trysts were becoming emotionally and spiritually draining.   Their “arrangement” was starting to no longer align with her spirit and thinking–I am so much more than this. I deserve more than this.

Stay tuned to find out what happens next with Deja, Nia, and Tish…

As always, thank you so kindly for  stopping by and taking a sneak peek into my first novelette. More information on its release date, availability, and sneak peeks coming soon (like next week soon)!

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Fun Fact! My friends and I are the cover models for Lavender Lemonade. After the artist flaked my friends came to the rescue.

 

 

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                                                        After the City Center “photo shoot” we got our passports stamped…

 

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Then we enjoyed sweet, cold, and tasty treats.    

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“I Choose My Motherfucking Self”

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E-V-E-R-Y- thing seems to revolve around being “chosen” ( I’ve grown to hate this term btw). Getting your ass chose is put on the highest of pedestals, viewed as the end all be all, it’s the winning lottery ticket, the golden egg, the only real purpose for our existence. Duh! (I’m being sarcastic). It’s as if society is saying, and on a very frequent basis, “Darling, I know you got interests and ideas and I see you got your little hobbies; I see you in all those organizations giving back to your community; And I really like how you’re all creative and talented and smart and shit; and look at you hitting all your life goals and targets and what not; you just doing all types of dope shit. (Long pause) But…(another long pause)…have you managed to get your ass chose yet??? I mean, all that other stuff is cool and all but it don’t really mean shit if you ain’t out in these streets getting chose.” How ludicrous! (This word still makes me chuckle) I’m saddened when I engage, directly and indirectly, with women who are clinging on to The “Get Chose” Narrative. This narrative is such a Basic B#*tch. Overbearing and a bully, preying on and harassing women all over the world. Recruiting friends, family, media, anything and anyone to do its dirty work—nag the hell out of “unchosen” and unfortunately chosen women alike, causing them to question their worth and doubt their dopeness. This narrative convinces single women to settle (slum) just so they can be on the other side of the conversation and it encourages unhappily involved women to endure and stick in out just to avoid taking the long road back to Single City.

Women are pressured to leap over hurdles and jump through hoops just to be noticed. And then there’s pressure to master a series of mazes to be deemed “The Chosen One”. Be appealing. Stand out. Don’t ask that too soon. Don’t share how you really feel. Just shut your mouth for now.  Be a good girl in public and a freak in private. Be smart but don’t be a know it all. Be stylish and sassy…but not too sexy. Be ambitious but not intimidating, adventurous but not too wild, full of thought but not too talkative.  Be a “Pick Me” kind of girl. Just do whatever you gotta do–even if it’s not you–to be selected. Do whatEVER you have to do to get to Chosenville. Understand?  Hitch a ride with whomever’s going that way. Just get there!  Never mind compatibility, if values and principles align, or said person’s capacity to bring joy, happiness, and added peace to your  life. (Girl you asking for too much! And you’re too damn selective! Who told you were entitled to peace and happiness?  Ummm…my creator did. It’s like my birthright. Just take what’s readily and easily available and  be happy your ass “finally got chose”.)  I’m sorry. Say what now?

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No! I will the fuck not. Just be happy to be “chose”.  (And you better not either.) I will the fuck not take whosoever will have me. I will not contribute to the antiquated  narrative that a women’s worth is solely measured by who deems her want-able, who invites her to sit at the “cool table”.  I will not participate in the bullying of single women. I will not encourage women to simply take any man just so she can say she has a man. I will not encourage (ever) any woman to be so preoccupied with being chosen that she neglects to do her own choosing.  I choose not to idolize being chosen to the point I neglect common sense. I choose not to be a slave to other people’s opinion of me. I choose to protect my peace even if that means extending my stay in Single City a bit longer (I got time).   And lastly, I refuse to play this game called Life from the bench, desperately waiting for someone to pick and put me in the game.   I have (And so do you!) way too much energy, zest, and sparkle to live life like that.  I choose to enjoy life today.  I choose to get in the game today…and everyday (regardless of status).  I choose a NEW narrative. IDGAFWDFWM. I fux with me. Which basically means, I choose not to wait for someone else to choose me. I’m choosing “my motherfucking self.” So move.  I’m up next…

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Note: I’m quoting Gabrielle Union from her latest book We’re Going to Need More Wine in blogpost title. Her book is a must read by the way! I’m loving it!