How To Take full advantage of your single

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If you are trying to fast forward this season, using the majority of your single girl seconds consumed with how quickly you can snag your next boo ( a boo, any boo), married to the story that being single sucks, then you are not using your time wisely OR joyfully. Sulking, inviting misery (lack of joy and gratitude) to camp out with you, reminding yourself every second of how much you hate it here in Singleville, and judging your life based on hashtag couples goals photos is a set up. As a result, you are low vibing. And unfortunately, low vibes attract more low vibes.

Keep reading for tips on how to boost your joy and your vibration during your single season.

Tips On How To Take Full Advantage Of Your Single Season:

  • Invest in meeting improved versions of yourself. Journal. Talk to a therapist. Develop your spiritual practice. Learn about your unhelpful characteristics and toxic/unhealthy traits ( we all have a few). Pivot as needed. The more you learn and improve, the more you will want to learn and improve. It’s quite possibly the greatest act of Self Love.
  • Learn to enjoy your own company: Spend time doing things you enjoy, sans a committee (friends. family, late night visitors, etc.,). Sometimes we’re afraid of extended time alone with ourselves because we have not yet learned the value in our solitude. We’re always searching for others to keep time with us. Try doing a few things alone (and not begrudgingly), Give yourself a chance to enjoy your own company.
  • Try new things. Go on a hike if you’ve never been. Check out that new winery and stomp grapes while you’re there. Take the course. Try the new hair color. Change careers. Plant the garden. Commit to trying and learning new things. This is a great way to learn, adventure, and boost your joy.
  • Get Social. Investigate creative ways to interact with people, A virtual book club. A virtual plant group. An online course. Outdoor outings. Having a life of your own, a social calendar filled with purposeful and fun activities (even during a pandemic) is a must for maximizing your stay in Singleville. Interacting with other positive individuals, hearing new perspectives, sharing your thoughts and ideas are great ways to become a better you. (Learn to enjoy your own company AND make time to socialize. You can do both.)
  • Create. Look for ways to express your creative side. We all have a creative side. (God is a creative genius. He’s literally THEE GOAT. We all have creative genius deposited inside of us. Lean into it.) Decorate a room. Play in makeup/clothes. Arrange a flower assortment. Write something. Choreograph a dance. Paint. Cook a meal. Creating is a joy booster. Boosted joy means a boosted vibration.
  • Have fun. Make having fun a priority. A non negotiable. If you’re denying yourself fun, not choosing or chasing fun, not creating fun during your single, it’s going to be a long and miserable ride.

You deserve joy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve adventures and growth. And you do not have to (you should not) wait until you’re evicted from Singleville to experience these things. You deserve them all today.

In closing, it’s always a pleasure writing for you. Feel free to leave a comment as it’s always good to hear from you as well. Meet me on IG for daily posts, updates, and more. http://instagram.com/rhondamarcellehall/

Kindest regards,

Rhonda Marcelle

Sorry, No Love Guru Here…

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While having girl talk with friends the other night, someone asked me,” So what do you think about all of this? You’re the relationship expert.” I laughed so hard! Me? “Relationship expert”!?  “Shiiiid”. I couldn’t disagree more. And that’s no shade to myself at all. Just pure honesty. (To thine own self be true).  I don’t consider myself a master of love and relationships. If I had to assess my areas of weakness, I’d say I can be too naive at times. I’m too generous with seeing the good, believing and trusting in people. I’m partial to giving the benefit.  And lastly, I can be  way “too nice”…until…you have really pissed me the fuck off.

With that said I cannot, in good conscience, allow anyone to give me credit for mastering love (yet). However, I, without shame, do pride myself on being a master of something! And that’s bouncing back (I’m a season bounce backer) and striving to live my best life after heartbreak… and always.

Last Night I Took an L But Tonight I Bounce Back…

When Auntie Retha told us, “Don’t believe your life is over just because your man is gone. Love yourself enough to know that without him your life goes on. ” I felt that deep down in my core (A Rose Is Still A Rose ). So much so that every book I’ve ever written (a whopping two) centered around one central theme: I know that shit hurts, but life goes on. I know how devastating it is to really want to go the distance with someone only to realize it’s not happening. I know how infuriating it is to have sacrificed and compromised for very little regard in return. I know how humiliating it is explaining  another relationship didn’t work out.  I know how humbling it is to admit “I missed or ignored the signs.”  In sum,  I know how painful it is to have loved and loss. But the good news…No!…the GREAT news is that Life. Goes. On. Ask me how I know. Experience taught me. That’s how I know.  And OMG! there’s just something so magical, so courageous, so empowering, so confidence boosting, so swag elevating, so badass, about wiping your tears, picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and refusing to crumble just because that man is gone (or was asked to leave). There’s  something gangsta about pushing through and putting your energy and focus on making you a better you.

The Only Life I’m Trying To Live is My Best Life (“PERIODT!”)

Life is colorful AF. I want women too understand this, and to get in on the good stuff!  I don’t care if you’re single, never been married, never getting married, divorced, whatever!  There’s no reason why you should not be enjoying your life to thee absolute fullest! Your status should not dictate how lit (exciting, full) your life is and can be. I’m saddened, crushed when I see my peoples (women folk) unhappy and struggling with this concept.  Instead of living their best (lit, lively, exciting, purposeful, balanced, fulfilling, productive, happy) life now, they’re  waiting for a new man or for an old man to return before claiming  BLL (Best Life Living) . Stop that!  I’m trying to live my best life today. I’m shooting my shots today. I’m trying to create meaningful memories today. I’m not waiting to be happy. I ain’t got time.  And any/every good thing that has my name on it I want now…and later.  The LMBL train is on the move girl and we need you on board!  Don’t subtract from your life by refusing to live your fullest life. Add on girl! Add on…

As always, thank you for stopping by. My hope is that you find a nugget or two to take away from this message. If so, please feel free to comment, share and /or repost. Until next time…Peace and Love.

 

Sassy, Spicy, and Single

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Following is an excerpt from my first book. This particular chapter focuses on the importance of  pursuing and living your best single girl life with sass and spice (insert wink here).

Chapter 4: You’re accepting the breakup as a lesson learned, an opportunity for personal growth, a blessing in disguise, You’re living life in the Single Lane. But that’s no excuse to be bland. It’s only an excuse to regain or even better…upgrade your sassy and your spicy.

Sassy: Lively, bold, and full of spirit.

Spicy: Exciting! Flavorful!

Fun Is Necessary!

Being single and miserable, or miserably single, should not be your adopted style of choice…not ever! Singlehood is a time to make your life as flavorful as possible, Have fun–and loads of it. Fun can and must be had in a variety of ways. Hanging out with your family, having slumber parties with your besties, salsa dancing, and paint parties are just a few examples of how to keep fun and flavorful times in your life. Who said you had to be a certified event planner to act as one? Keep your calendar filled with awesome activities and exciting events.

Consider hosting movie nights, game nights, and taco and guacamole nights. You and your besties can rotate planning and hosting events. Events can be potluck styled so your pockets are not worn thin in the name of having a good time. Send out cutesy Evites for your sassy, spciy, and single slumber parties, spa dates, or mani-pedi dates. Bring an amazing attitude and a bright smile to each and every event. Keep your camera phone close by so you can capture your sassy and spicy moments. Your goal is to have loads of fun and loads of laughs and loads of spice and loads of sass!

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You Gotta Have Some Goals!

In addition to being a girl who just wants to have fun, chase new experiences and opportunities so you can gain new perspectives on yourself and the world around you. Travel. Visit places–near and far–you’ve always wanted to venture to. Take thousands of pictures while you’re visiting so you can relive your wonderful experiences over and over again. What else have you always wanted to do but failed to find the time, energy, or courage to? Start a polish line? Attend a painting class? Pole dancing? Zumba? Skydiving? Snorkeling? Write a book? Start a business? Enroll in cosmetology school? You’re operating in “Me Zone” now. Me Zone affords you the luxury and pleasure of being and doing you. This is the perfect time to embark on a deliberate pursuit of what (all) you want. Just go for it…whatever “it” may be.

I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from the book Boy Bye!  Click to preview (and or purchase ) more of this selection.

 

 

 

 

 

Pretty Girl Keri

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Tracie Ellis Ross, with her confident and badass self, secured the last #WCW spot but this  week, Pretty Girl Keri is in First Place. While reading her most recent IG post my main sentiment was “You go girl!”. Following is a breakdown of my favorite lines from said post.

“I’m single by choice.”  It’s often assumed that all single women are sad and lonely and agonizing over being chosen (or not). It’s hard for folk to understand that being single can be a choice and that not all women view a single season as a punishment or curse.

“I believe in reflecting, growing, & healing in between relationships.”    Racing from relationship to relationship as if we’re trying to get to some imaginary finish can’t be healthy.  I once believed the reward after heartbreak and recovery was meeting someone finer, richer, and more awesome than the former beau. And the possibility of meeting someone who meets that criteria is certainly one of the perks of giving love another chance. However, I no longer believe that’s the sole reward or treat. I strongly feel the true reward is in your growing–growing smarter, stronger, more confident, growing spiritually, growing creatively, etc. Some may contest this but I believe this type of  growth and growing happens best when a woman is in her single season. She has time to reflect, get in tune with who she is again, determine who she wants to be moving forward. She’s more intentional  about connecting with her source.  During the in between (single season)  she refuses to crumble and a stubborn refusal to crumble does wonders for a women’s self confidence. That’s why you see women, who take the time needed to heal and grow, all glow’d the fuck up when they’re in between relationships. Glow ups are simply outward expressions of healing and growth. But when we jump too quickly into new relationships, fail to take advantage of being all about us AF, we short change ourselves.

“I don’t Tarzan swing from vine to vine out of fear, loneliness, ego, or validation..” 

I hate that we live in a world where a woman is made to feel worthy or unworthy based on who loves her. Society tries to force feed us all these silly snacks (You’re worth is based on who chooses you.). We then spend way too much time searching for validation in the form of love and relationships (often times the wrong relationships).   I love interacting with fearless women, directly and indirectly, who simply don’t subscribe, who don’t rely on men/relationships to validate who they are as women.

“…cuz I truly enjoy my life by myself, too. I’m not waiting or looking.”

There’s SO much life to be lived and enjoyed. It saddens me when women refuse to partake in life’s festivities, to taste its sweetness, because they feel the party can’t start until their single status changes. My hope for all of us is that we  create lives for ourselves that are full of enjoyment,  that we truly enjoy our lives so much so that we’re “not waiting or looking”. We’re just out here living (“We living B.”).

 

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Keri Hilson’s IG Post/Caption

 

 

 

Rock Your Moment!

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We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.                        ~Maya Angelou

Congratulations! Thanks to your dedication and hard work you are more than well on your way. You’re a beautiful woman who has been through some stuff. You’ve taken some emotional licks and endured a series of unwanted heartaches. You were almost declared an emotional homicide, but you cried, fought, prayed, laughed, and willed your way back to life. You’ve taken the time needed to delicately and piece-by-piece put yourself back together. Your strength and your courage are quite admirable.

As a result of your strength and courage, you’re now 100% foolish-man free. You’re drama-free, stress-free, and consumed-days-of-sadness-free. You’re agony-free, trying –to-figure-out-what-in-the-world-happened free, believing-that-you’re-inadequate-free, pleading-and-begging-free, sleepless-nights-free, settling-for-less-free, confusion-free, doubt-free, and tear-free. “Free at last! Free at last! Thanking God ALMIGHTY to be free at last!”

You’re finally believing and buying into the notion that you are OK, that you’re going to continue being OK. The realization is accompanied by an upgraded confidence in yourself. You’re learning that you’re stronger than you ever thought you were. You’re setting new and elevated standards for how people will treat you. You’re refocusing and re-prioritizing. You’re back at the top of your priority list—where you should’ve always been. You’re prayed-up and determined to stay that way. You’re releasing feelings of anger and resentment in order to make space for even more peace and joy. Bag lady? Not you! You’ve unloaded all the emotional baggage you have accrued from past hurts, and you left those old bags at the curb. You’ve graciously tipped the baggage handler, told him to discard the unwanted and unneeded bags in the nearest Dumpster, and now you’re traveling on your merry, light way…ready to continue enjoying your journey.

You’re feeling good and taking much better care of yourself now—emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You’re smiling a little brighter, laughing a little louder, and looking a lot more fabulous (eliminated stress and sleepless nights from your life has an anti-aging effect). You’re no longer putting your happiness on hold while waiting for something to happen. You’re declaring that you’ll be happy right where you are planted.

Note: I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from my first book. Stay tuned for more. In the interim, feel free to click the link for an additional sneak peek.

Boy Bye! by Rhonda Hall

 

For Those Who Think Living Single Is A Total Suck-Fest

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The assumption is single living is lonely, miserable living. Society graces single ladies with pity, creating an atmosphere of panic and desperation. There’s always a family member in your ear about finding a man before it’s too late or an article with data suggesting all (like every single last one of them) of the quality men have left the building so whomever (whatever) you can get your hands on, make sure to hold on tight, and be thankful you got someone (something). Who cares if it’s “… just any fuckin body”? (Ummm…I care). 

If a SL isn’t careful, she’ll fall for the trap. She’ll let others convince her life really is a Suck Fest. She’ll put life on ice. She won’t even make an attempt to live a life that’s colorful,  lit, and full of purpose because she’s agreed with the Without A Man You Ain’t Much Of Nothing bullshit she’s been fed. 

The good news is regardless of what society says or feels, there’s an amazing number of SLs living life on their own terms. Woman who are traveling the world, creating dope shit, making moves, starting businesses and non profits. Slaying basically. They’re changing the narrative and having the time of their lives. I love these women. Admire these women. Would like to think of myself as one of these women. 

But if you happen to be a Single Lady Who Agrees With Society, let’s chat.

 SLWAWS: But single life is SO lonely.

MeHow? When there are people, life and opportunities to connect all around. If you’re feeling lonely and disconnected from people, look for ways to foster connection–with those in need, loved ones, friends, your professional circles, and more. You’re going to  have to stop telling yourself that the only way to treat your loneliness is through romantic connection. 

  1. Volunteering is a great way to serve, give back, and step away from the I’m So Lonely narrative. 
  2. Joining  or starting a fitness community where you meet up for weekly walks, jogs, weight lifting, or whatever is another awesome way to combat feelings of loneliness, link up with like-minded individuals, release endorphins, and advocate for your health. It’s a total win-win- win. (I’m a huge supporter of living our best fitness life (getting in at least 3 days or 150 minutes of sweat breaking activity per week) and “preserving the sexy”. It’s a mood booster, vibe elevator, confidence enhancer, and so much more.
  3. Additionally, make an effort to link up with your peeps and family regularly. Decide how often you want to reconnect and catch up on life with each other. Having something to look forward to creates anticipation and boosts your mood.

SLWAWS: But single life is boring.

Me: How? Why? There’s always something happening. Always some goings on. African dance classes, grape stomping events, comedy shows, festivals, museum openings/events, theater, fitness engagements, dining, hiking, galas, cooking classes, marathons, and more. Find the things you like or enjoy and get like Nike. You may have to step out of your comfort zone to enjoy and partake, but life is buzzing all around you. And if you’re waiting for a committee to join you, stop. Who says you can’t venture, explore, and discover alone? I’m not saying you have to leave the country solo (if you’re uncomfortable doing so), but you can go to a concert solo, for instance, and have the time of your life. And trust me, no one will be staring at you with pity thinking “Awww, she’s all by herself”. And if they are, you should be so buzzed from pre-gaming and so high off the music and energy to even notice. For if single living is boring for you one can only assume I Got A Boo Now living will be boring for you too. No one’s coming to save you from living a boring ass life. You’re gonna have to save yourself Girlie.

SLWAWS: Most of my friends are married. And they’re moms. They don’t have time to do hoodrat stuff with me.

Me: Find new friends or acquaintances to kick it and laugh with from time to time. They may not elevate to Day Ones status but you can still have an amazing time with them. Instead of sitting in the house bored, lonely, and envying a friend’s life, you could be out in these streets creating your own life. Facebook has 50,000 social groups all happening at the same damn time. Jump in one. Meet up activities and events are everywhere! So much so it can get a little overwhelming. Meet people who have similar interests (book clubs, foodies, travel clubs, music heads, movie buffs, and more) as you. And go for it! We have to be proactive about changing the narrative. Because if you don’t change your narrative, I don’t believe you’re gonna be able to change your life. Our thoughts create our reality and if all you meditate on is how lonely, miserable, and empty your life is, then life has no choice but to serve you exactly what you’re constantly focused on. 

SLWAWS: But I have no one to go on romantic dinner or movie dates with. 

ME: Take yourself out from time to time. And not on some ‘I’m on a date with Jesus’ foolishness either. (Jesus is my brother.  Or is he my father? Or both? I dont know. It gets a little confusing for me at times. But I definitely don’t view Him as my man. Sorry if this offends anyone. It’s just my opinion). All I’m saying is, if you’re staying in on Saturdays because you have no one to hang out with romantically, be your own hero.  Learn to enjoy your own company. Stop being afraid to do shit because you don’t have a committee or a man by your side. You make more than enough money. Get cute.  Go to that restaurant or theater or wherever. Eat the popcorn. Drink the cocktail. And be merry. 

SLWAWS: There’s nobody to rub my booty.

Me: Girl…goodbye. Every single woman on the planet can get her booty rubbed if she really, really, really wanted her booty rubbed, and that’s on any day of the week. Two words: contact list (old flings, past cutty buddies, new admirers). And I’m not trying to be crass or offensive. I’m just being honest. If I’m wrong you can send me the bill. Now granted, these may not be men you want to go the distance with BUT…if all you want in the moment is…well…you know (don’t make me say it), take what’s worth taking and throw the rest back so to speak. Note: these arrangements can get very tricky for some of us. I’m not 100% a fan as a result. My only point is that there are  always options and eager men available IF that’s all you want and you think you can handle what comes along with strictly physical relationships. In the past (as in a long, long, long, long time ago) I found myself irritated, borderline upset, in these “situationships”. After a brief period of time (fun) I’m like, Dude, all you wanna do is f#*k me? Seriously? That’s it! I have SO much more to offer and all you wanna do is smash?. Man …get the bleep outta here.  And the guy’s all confused, wondering why is she trippin all of a sudden. But everybody’s not all emotional like me. For some, this may be a great, conveinient, and temporary fix. All I can say is walk in your truth and do what’s best for your soul. 

SLWAWS: But I don’t want to have pointless sex or catch anymore bodies. 

Me: Good. Me either. (I dont’t think). And I wish you would’ve said that earlier. We could’ve bypassed the enter booty rub discussion.  Talking about peoples’ sex lives makes me uncomfortable. It’s just so…personal. But anyways, let me add this, self love ( wink ,wink) is an awesome option. It’s safe, carefree, drama less, and emotions are not needed. And you can still get those endorphins released.

I could on, but I feel like this blog entry is already super long. So I’ll just conclude by saying again, SLs we have to be proactive about changing the narrative. Be mindful about the things you agree with and the thoughts you entertain. You’re life isn’t boring or meaningless because you ain’t got no man (in this season). You’re life is a gift. And you don’t have to wait until Christmas or your birthday or until your coupled up to open and enjoy it. Start enjoying and living your most bedazzled (single) life today.