How To Take full advantage of your single

Photo by Radomir Jordanovic on Pexels.com

If you are trying to fast forward this season, using the majority of your single girl seconds consumed with how quickly you can snag your next boo ( a boo, any boo), married to the story that being single sucks, then you are not using your time wisely OR joyfully. Sulking, inviting misery (lack of joy and gratitude) to camp out with you, reminding yourself every second of how much you hate it here in Singleville, and judging your life based on hashtag couples goals photos is a set up. As a result, you are low vibing. And unfortunately, low vibes attract more low vibes.

Keep reading for tips on how to boost your joy and your vibration during your single season.

Tips On How To Take Full Advantage Of Your Single Season:

• Invest in meeting improved versions of yourself. Journal. Talk to a therapist. Develop your spiritual practice. Learn about your unhelpful characteristics and toxic/unhealthy traits ( we all have a few). Pivot as needed. The more you learn and improve, the more you will want to learn and improve. It’s quite possibly the greatest act of Self Love.
• Learn to enjoy your own company: Spend time doing things you enjoy, sans a committee (friends. family, late night visitors, etc.,). Sometimes we’re afraid of extended time alone with ourselves because we have not yet learned the value in our solitude. We’re always searching for others to keep time with us. Try doing a few things alone (and not begrudgingly), Give yourself a chance to enjoy your own company.

• Try new things. Go on a hike if you’ve never been. Check out that new winery and stomp grapes while you’re there. Take the course. Try the new hair color. Change careers. Plant the garden. Commit to trying and learning new things. This is a great way to learn, adventure, and boost your joy.
• Get Social. Investigate creative ways to interact with people, A virtual book club. A virtual plant group. An online course. Outdoor outings. Having a life of your own, a social calendar filled with purposeful and fun activities (even during a pandemic) is a must for maximizing your stay in Singleville. Interacting with other positive individuals, hearing new perspectives, sharing your thoughts and ideas are great ways to become a better you. (Learn to enjoy your own company AND make time to socialize. You can do both.)
• Create. Look for ways to express your creative side. We all have a creative side. (God is a creative genius. He’s literally THEE GOAT. We all have creative genius deposited inside of us. Lean into it.) Decorate a room. Play in makeup/clothes. Arrange a flower assortment. Write something. Choreograph a dance. Paint. Cook a meal. Creating is a joy booster. Boosted joy means a boosted vibration.
• Have fun. Make having fun a priority. A non negotiable. If you’re denying yourself fun, not choosing or chasing fun, not creating fun during your single, it’s going to be a long and miserable ride.

You deserve joy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve adventures and growth. And you do not have to (you should not) wait until you’re evicted from Singleville to experience these things. You deserve them all today.

In closing, it’s always a pleasure writing for you. Feel free to leave a comment as it’s always good to hear from you as well. Meet me on IG for daily posts, updates, and more. http://instagram.com/rhondamarcellehall/

Kindest regards,

Rhonda Marcelle

Lavender Lemonade

Hey Girls Hey!!! Lavender Lemonade will be available SO soon! I’m so excited I wanted to share a sneak preview with you today. Meet Deja, Nia, and Tish–three friends who are hungry for love.  The friends find themselves desperately desiring and willing to do anything for love, as many (Shiiiiid! ALL ) of us can relate to. But as we all know, that shit gets real tricky, can be quite disappointing, and is oftentimes an open invitation for settling. Tish, Deja, and Nia learn the hard way that something as precious as real love and true commitment cant be forced, rushed, or mocked. However, the most meaningful lesson these three friends learn is that loving yourself first is the golden key that unlocks the door to living your biggest, fullest, and happiest life.

Deja…

But Tage wasn’t just any man to Deja. She genuinely wanted him to be her man. She saw herself marrying and carrying babies for him. And although their “connection-ship” provided her plenty of room for desire, Deja was too wrapped up in the moment, too wrapped up in the possibilities, too wrapped up in being someone special to someone (to anyone), too wrapped up in maybe one day, too wrapped up into him to demand (gently request) more. Deep down she knew she wanted more (exclusivity, commitment, a title), figured she probably deserved more out of a “relationship” but fear of losing the little she did have with Tage paralyzed her from rocking the boat. So for the last two years (and counting), she settled (slummed) for their bi-monthly Netflix and Chill themed play dates.

Nia…

During their last talk, Raheem fed Nia enough lines to keep her in tow for another year and a half, sans proposal and ring. And considering all the time already invested, her cake candles count, the dismal dating scene her single girlfriends were always crying over, Nia elected to hang in there a little longer, hoping that one day, one month, one year this man would finally stop hazing her and officially initiate her into The First Wives Club. During that year and a half, Nia remained hopeful. She also put her desires on the backburner, bit her tongue, refused to make mention of anything related to marriage. She consoled herself by focusing on how lucky she was to even have a man at all with all these single girls out here trying to get what she already had. Things may not be perfect. He may not be forthcoming with his intentions to marry me (or not), but at least I have a man, she would tell herself (while trying to convince herself).

However, Nia started to notice a recent shift in her attitude toward Raheem and their relationship. The closer she got to 35, the less lucky, the less satisfied she found herself feeling about her role as The Possible Forever Girlfriend. It was becoming more and more difficult to convince herself that she wasn’t being strung along, that she should just be happy with what she had (even though she wanted more).   Nia was growing tired of the same-old-same-old. She was ready for a change.

Tish…

Their arrangement was quite exhilarating for Tish in the beginning. She was single. Had no one to answer to. Wasn’t in need of being taken care of financially. Could do whatever she pleased. And at the time, unattached, casual, fun sex with a guy who knew his way around the bedroom was exactly what she pleased. But of late, she honestly didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to play the Young, Wild, Free, and Having Way Too Much Fun card. It was increasingly becoming less and less thrilling. Tish found herself trying to calculate, exactly, what was so exciting about a man only enjoying and appreciating her for her physical offerings quite often lately.

Tish wasn’t particularly interested in a relationship with Dray, to be honest. He didn’t seem to possess the qualities she deemed admirable in a man, like trustworthiness, loyalty, self-discipline, honesty, reliability, and selflessness.Nonetheless, she was secretly becoming more and more irritated by the fact Dray could lay up with her week after week, month after month, and not see her, really see her. That he could not take notice of and appreciate all the many things she had to offer besides sex. Their sexual trysts were becoming emotionally and spiritually draining.   Their “arrangement” was starting to no longer align with her spirit and thinking–I am so much more than this. I deserve more than this.

Stay tuned to find out what happens next with Deja, Nia, and Tish…

As always, thank you so kindly for  stopping by and taking a sneak peek into my first novelette. More information on its release date, availability, and sneak peeks coming soon (like next week soon)!

Fun Fact! My friends and I are the cover models for Lavender Lemonade. After the artist flaked my friends came to the rescue.

 

 

                                                        After the City Center “photo shoot” we got our passports stamped…

 

Then we enjoyed sweet, cold, and tasty treats.    

                        

 

 

 

 

Pretty Girl Keri

Tracie Ellis Ross, with her confident and badass self, secured the last #WCW spot but this  week, Pretty Girl Keri is in First Place. While reading her most recent IG post my main sentiment was “You go girl!”. Following is a breakdown of my favorite lines from said post.

“I’m single by choice.”  It’s often assumed that all single women are sad and lonely and agonizing over being chosen (or not). It’s hard for folk to understand that being single can be a choice and that not all women view a single season as a punishment or curse.

“I believe in reflecting, growing, & healing in between relationships.”    Racing from relationship to relationship as if we’re trying to get to some imaginary finish can’t be healthy.  I once believed the reward after heartbreak and recovery was meeting someone finer, richer, and more awesome than the former beau. And the possibility of meeting someone who meets that criteria is certainly one of the perks of giving love another chance. However, I no longer believe that’s the sole reward or treat. I strongly feel the true reward is in your growing–growing smarter, stronger, more confident, growing spiritually, growing creatively, etc. Some may contest this but I believe this type of  growth and growing happens best when a woman is in her single season. She has time to reflect, get in tune with who she is again, determine who she wants to be moving forward. She’s more intentional  about connecting with her source.  During the in between (single season)  she refuses to crumble and a stubborn refusal to crumble does wonders for a women’s self confidence. That’s why you see women, who take the time needed to heal and grow, all glow’d the fuck up when they’re in between relationships. Glow ups are simply outward expressions of healing and growth. But when we jump too quickly into new relationships, fail to take advantage of being all about us AF, we short change ourselves.

“I don’t Tarzan swing from vine to vine out of fear, loneliness, ego, or validation..” 

I hate that we live in a world where a woman is made to feel worthy or unworthy based on who loves her. Society tries to force feed us all these silly snacks (You’re worth is based on who chooses you.). We then spend way too much time searching for validation in the form of love and relationships (often times the wrong relationships).   I love interacting with fearless women, directly and indirectly, who simply don’t subscribe, who don’t rely on men/relationships to validate who they are as women.

“…cuz I truly enjoy my life by myself, too. I’m not waiting or looking.”

There’s SO much life to be lived and enjoyed. It saddens me when women refuse to partake in life’s festivities, to taste its sweetness, because they feel the party can’t start until their single status changes. My hope for all of us is that we  create lives for ourselves that are full of enjoyment,  that we truly enjoy our lives so much so that we’re “not waiting or looking”. We’re just out here living (“We living B.”).

 

Keri Hilson’s IG Post/Caption

 

 

 

Gentleman

I had at least 3 weeks to prepare for Cupid’s Journal. All I had to do was create a poem about the ‘L’ word. There were no guidelines requiring our poems be centered on a particular love type. I could’ve easily focused on the  love shown to me by doting parents or a caring and protective brother or the cousin who’s really like a sister or the girlfriends turned sisters or my M-F children or God of course.  But no. That would’ve been way too easy for me and because I thought I was up for a challenge, I committed myself to creating a poem centered around romantic love. Why would I consider that a slight challenge you ask? Well…if I’m being honest, my Romantic Love track history is some trash. (Pause). Well…maybe I’m being a little too harsh. I have met and experienced really fun, smart, goal oriented, caring, (accentuating the possitive) humorous, good hearted, thoughtful guys. And truth be told, I have more memories of happy times shared than jacked up times. (Insert long sigh)…but the jacked up times have left such a lasting impression.

So there I was (It’s like 2:15pm and the event was slated to begin at 3:00pm.), seated in my little girly nook with my girly pink pen in hand and my journal opened to a fresh page. I was ready! Let’s knock this poem out in 10 minutes, refresh make-up, get dressed, and be on the road by 2:50pm. (It sounded like a solid plan). But nothing was happening. I stared at the page. The page stared back at me. 10 minutes pass. Another 5 expire. (Shit! I’m gonna be late.) Hmmm. What can I say about that kind of love being that I might be a tad bit (just a tad)  jaded right now?  Experience (experiences) can jade you, jade your perspective, quell your optimism.  Nonetheless,  I refused to show up to a Love Fest with a jaded ass poem talking about,  “Ya’ll  lovely ladies wanna hear a poem? Well here it go”:

She So Jaded

All ya’ll *bleep lie

And make all the good girls cry

Start off all nice and kind

But it’s only a matter of time

All ya”ll *bleep cheat

Frontin like you so fuckin sweet

To save your life, you couldn’t tell the truth

and that’s exactly why…

IDFWY

Instead, I thought about qualities I loved and really appreciated in past people, what I’d like to see in my next person. I thought about Ric Hassani’s music (which is actually playing right now), how refreshing it is, how it makes me smile, and how it helps to restore my faith in the opposite sex. (I actually borrowed one of his titles and I hope he won’t mind. Lol.)

   Gentleman

You’re a gentle man. An honorable man, whose love is pure and true

You’re a loving man, a loyal man. One who always comes through

You’re an intelligent man, loaded with all things knowledge, at your feet I’m honored to learn

And because you’re genuinely trustworthy, my trust you’ve definitely earned

You’re a genuine man. Generous and loving too. You love God, your family, your communities too

You got so much confidence and swag. It’s just oozing all over you

Note: I couldn’t help but laugh when someone blurted out “Yaaaassss! Where he at tho?”

Said I was over the fellas. I’d had my fair share

Felt you all played too many games, broke too many hearts, and it just seemed so unfair

But you came through and showed me something different. You came through and you showed me the truth

Now I need my jersey back so I can get on loves court again. I’m inspired to put my fears aside and watch God love me through you

In other words, you got this girl coming out of retirement

And she’s doing it just for you…

                            Note: I know this poem is cute-corny  but I like it!  (Insert smiley face)

We all enjoyed sharing and listening to one another’s hearts by way of words.  Cupid’s Journal was absolutely perfect!  Food. Wine. Sisterhood. Love. Openness. Encouragement. Laughs. Music. And more. I can’t wait for Cupid’s Journal: Spring Edition.  Hmmm. I should probably start working on something now…

 

You can see more pictures and videos from Cupid’s Journal on my IG page. My handle is @girltalkwithrhondamarcelle. And as always, thank you so kindly for your time. I truly appreciate it.

Peace and love…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I’m Crushing on Angela Simmons and Demetria Lucas

I recently added  Demetria Lucas and Angela Simmons to my list of women I’m digging,  absolutely admiring right now. I appreciate them both for being so candid about their current relationship statuses. How many women have they empowered by simply being honest, telling the ugly, bitter, funky truth?! We’re (women) SO good at hiding these ugly truths. And we’re really good at staying in unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilling  relationships far longer than we should. We’re also really good at not being honest with ourselves about our genuine desires. And lastly, we’re really, really good at making presentations. We’d rather  save face and image, present as if we’re  flourishing in rockstar relationships, instead of admitting…this shit is fucked up . We’ll convince the hell out of ourselves to stay in relationships where we’re miserable at worst, meh at best.

So when I encounter women who are genuine enough to admit the situation’s a fucked up AND then bold  enough to walk away from said fucked-up-ness, they elevate to a whole new level of badass in my opinion. Why? Because it’s hard AF to throw up those deuces after realizing you deserve better, to abandon familiar  (even if it is real fucked up, kinda fucked up, just a little fucked up) territory, uncertain of what new roads will bring. It’s scary and devastating. And it’s uncomfortable. And humiliating. And painful. And lonely.  And crushing. It requires a great deal of fortitude and fearlessness. It’s much, much easier to convince yourself that things aren’t so bad than to travel Walking Away’s  long, lonely, sad, devastating, scary, humiliating, uncomfortable ass road.

This is why I appreciate women who share their truth, who refuse to allow the opinions of society to dictate their next moves, who take status and image off the pedestal and give their joy and peace their rightful seat. And this is precisely why I want to  thank Angela for advising us not to remain where we aren’t valued, for encouraging us to put our happy back in the front seat, and for inspiring us to remain hopeful about the next chapter(s). I commend Demetria for not believing her validation was solely connected to being a man’s wife (that’s no small feat in our society), and for walking in the direction of being genuinely happy.

I would close out by wishing these two lovely ladies all the best on their new and courageous journeys but something tells me with faith in God, confidence, and tribes they both seem to possess, these lovely ladies will be just fine.

Closing thought: May we be inspired by fearless women.  May we be fearless women.

 

 

 

ULTIMATUMS

I was listening to a video clip of Derrick Jaxn on Facebook last night. He spoke briefly on men, marriage and ultimatums: indicated he was no huge fan of  the u-word. The word ultimatum sounds a little ugly I admit, but the associated synonyms sound very practical, logical really.

Synonyms For Ultimatums 

-uncompromising demand

-final offer

-take-it-or leave-it deal

-final notice

-final terms

-final warning

-final word

-last chance

-last offer

We issue ultimatums—last chances, final offers, final notices— all the time I believe.

Examples:

~ “Chrisette this is your last chance to decline 45’s invitation”, said The Black Community. If you decline, we’re good. If you accept and perform, we ain’t fuckin with you no more. (She thought ya’ll was just talking. She was clearly mistaken.)

~ If this restaurant issues me shitty service one more time, I’m never coming back again.

~ This mechanic is always on some bullshit. If my car’s not finished by noon I’m taking it someplace else, and I’m never coming back.

       An ultimatum is simply having an understanding of what you want, an expectation of how your desires should be met and delivered, and enough consideration to give involved parties the opportunity to meet your demands. So what’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with giving your beau an expiration date on his slow dragging? Nothing’s wrong with it. Nothing’s wrong with issuing an ultimatum in my opinion. But unlike with a mechanic or an establishment, something feels a little (a lot) fucked up about having (feeling required) to issue an ultimatum to a person who claims to love you but who’s also dragging their feet on you.

       I remember having a conversation with a friend who was in this predicament. She said, “I shouldn’t even be going through this.” And I understood her wholeheartedly. It feels like you’re twisting someone’s arm just to be with you. The fuck? Though some guys may need a little encouragement in the area of full fledge commitment, and they may need to understand that their lady’s not going to play this game long-term, it still feels like an insult (a slap in the face) for a woman to have to go to such extremes (ultimatum issuing). It’s a mood switcher. Like dude, I gotta twist your ear for a commitment? Fuck it. I don’t want it then. You keep it.

       We want guys to view being partnered with us a privilege, not an obligation (“Ok. I’ll marry you Gina. Damn!”). And once the territory of issuing ultimatums is entered the lines of being considered a privilege versus an obligation get blurred. In this regard, it is my hope that from this day forward, we choose men who choose us repeatedly (sans prompting, sans coercion), men who appreciate and feel privileged to have us. Men who don’t need ultimatums to keep us.

Miss Me With Those “Cuffingships”

 

‘‘Tis the season” for hearty stews, homemade soups, and hot chocolate smothered with whipped cream. It’s the season for high boots and Friendsgiving, scarves and ugly Christmas sweaters, Netflix and ski trips. It’s also the season for single gals who are feeling a little lonely, somewhat anxious (wondering why their Boaz still hasn’t presented his azz), in slight despair, uninspired by a possible season of solo hibernation, to be extremely cautious. We have to be mindful Ladies, that Cuffing Season is upon us.

 Understand that this season was created by and for persons who’d rather spend the cold, dark, and sometimes dreadful months of winter snuggled up with someone “good enough” for cuffing than all alone. And I totally get it! You get the temporary perks and feels of a relationships from November through about late February, early March. By the end of March you get your papers signed, freeing you up for Springtime Frolicking and Summer Flinging. It sounds SO ideal! Almost makes me want to get signed up. There’s just one teeny tiny problem: being regarded and treated as a Good Enough Girl (good enough for cuffing season but soon after that ass is getting dropped) doesn’t sit well with my spirit, with who I am at my core. If it did, I’d surely participate in all  the season’s festivities. I’d even have a rotation like my girl Issa! But, in this regard, I know myself all too well. It’s all fun and games until your worth isn’t recognized and valued.

So in the interest of not busting anybody’s car windows out ( because in December I knew it was most likely just a cuffingship but by the end of January all the playing relationship had me feeling like I was in a relationship, and by  February I’m questioning why a nigga’s not gathering I’m quality–as in God’s wonderfully and beautifully made child, as in why am I–ME–on a fuckin cuffing bench when I should be running the point–and pissed the hell off  in mid March when he starts to pull back because…well duh…Spring Frolicking is upon us) I prefer to sit this season out.

If (when) I find myself tempted to cuff  (in my Tempted to Touch song voice),  I get brutally honest with myself. Next, I remind myself I have options.  Then, actually I’ll save that for the following post.  

 

Anti-Cuffing Season Checklist

Be Honest With Yourself

Ask yourself how will this situation most likely end? How long will it be all fun and games until emotions get involved and feelings get hurt? Has this person actually demonstrated he’s worthy and appreciative of me, my time, my offerings? Is he more charm than genuine? Am I just bored? Feeling lonely? Would I entertain him under ordinary circumstances? Am I trying to make this more than what it really is? Is my spirit really ok with being a seasonal F#%k Buddy/Fake Girlfriend (granted he may not come right out and refer to you as such but he’ll drop clues regarding his intentions)? If after being honest with yourself you conclude #issacuffingtrap, steer clear. Guard your heart and protect your spirit, your feelings, your peace, and your time.

Believe You Deserve More

In addition to protecting your spirit, have faith and believe in yourself. Believe that you can do way better, that you deserve more than someone who just wants you as their wintertime smash buddy. I don’t care if the situation is looking bleak. You always have options. And by options I don’t necessarily mean a plethora of men. You have the option to value what you have to offer. You have the option to regard your offerings as sacred treasures. You have the option to tell a mf  “get the fuck out my face with that cuffing-proposition-bullshit.” If you feel your options are slim or non-existent, start talking to yourself differently; start thinking differently about yourself.  Start telling yourself things like:

I’m dope AF (then go do the shit that makes you feel dope…AF)

I’m a treasure (And you don’t need anybody to co-sign on this for you. YOU just have to believe it and govern yourself accordingly.)

I deserve more (You’re damn right you do!)

I got time. I can wait for something with meaning and purpose. (The illusion of not having options and time always seem to trip us up).

When you talk differently to yourself, you start to feel and think differently about yourself.  “The tongue has the power of life and death”. We have to speak life over ourselves, our confidence, our boldness. And we have to lay the spirit of slumming  (settling for way less because you don’t  believe you can have more) to rest…for good.

 

To Be Continued…

 

For Those Who Think Living Single Is A Total Suck-Fest

The assumption is single living is lonely, miserable living. Society graces single ladies with pity, creating an atmosphere of panic and desperation. There’s always a family member in your ear about finding a man before it’s too late or an article with data suggesting all (like every single last one of them) of the quality men have left the building so whomever (whatever) you can get your hands on, make sure to hold on tight, and be thankful you got someone (something). Who cares if it’s “… just any fuckin body”? (Ummm…I care). 

If a SL isn’t careful, she’ll fall for the trap. She’ll let others convince her life really is a Suck Fest. She’ll put life on ice. She won’t even make an attempt to live a life that’s colorful,  lit, and full of purpose because she’s agreed with the Without A Man You Ain’t Much Of Nothing bullshit she’s been fed. 

The good news is regardless of what society says or feels, there’s an amazing number of SLs living life on their own terms. Woman who are traveling the world, creating dope shit, making moves, starting businesses and non profits. Slaying basically. They’re changing the narrative and having the time of their lives. I love these women. Admire these women. Would like to think of myself as one of these women. 

But if you happen to be a Single Lady Who Agrees With Society, let’s chat.

 SLWAWS: But single life is SO lonely.

Me: How? When there are people, life and opportunities to connect all around. If you’re feeling lonely and disconnected from people, look for ways to foster connection–with those in need, loved ones, friends, your professional circles, and more. You’re going to  have to stop telling yourself that the only way to treat your loneliness is through romantic connection. 

1. Volunteering is a great way to serve, give back, and step away from the I’m So Lonely narrative. 
2. Joining  or starting a fitness community where you meet up for weekly walks, jogs, weight lifting, or whatever is another awesome way to combat feelings of loneliness, link up with like-minded individuals, release endorphins, and advocate for your health. It’s a total win-win- win. (I’m a huge supporter of living our best fitness life (getting in at least 3 days or 150 minutes of sweat breaking activity per week) and “preserving the sexy”. It’s a mood booster, vibe elevator, confidence enhancer, and so much more.
3. Additionally, make an effort to link up with your peeps and family regularly. Decide how often you want to reconnect and catch up on life with each other. Having something to look forward to creates anticipation and boosts your mood.

SLWAWS: But single life is boring.

Me: How? Why? There’s always something happening. Always some goings on. African dance classes, grape stomping events, comedy shows, festivals, museum openings/events, theater, fitness engagements, dining, hiking, galas, cooking classes, marathons, and more. Find the things you like or enjoy and get like Nike. You may have to step out of your comfort zone to enjoy and partake, but life is buzzing all around you. And if you’re waiting for a committee to join you, stop. Who says you can’t venture, explore, and discover alone? I’m not saying you have to leave the country solo (if you’re uncomfortable doing so), but you can go to a concert solo, for instance, and have the time of your life. And trust me, no one will be staring at you with pity thinking “Awww, she’s all by herself”. And if they are, you should be so buzzed from pre-gaming and so high off the music and energy to even notice. For if single living is boring for you one can only assume I Got A Boo Now living will be boring for you too. No one’s coming to save you from living a boring ass life. You’re gonna have to save yourself Girlie.

SLWAWS: Most of my friends are married. And they’re moms. They don’t have time to do hoodrat stuff with me.

Me: Find new friends or acquaintances to kick it and laugh with from time to time. They may not elevate to Day Ones status but you can still have an amazing time with them. Instead of sitting in the house bored, lonely, and envying a friend’s life, you could be out in these streets creating your own life. Facebook has 50,000 social groups all happening at the same damn time. Jump in one. Meet up activities and events are everywhere! So much so it can get a little overwhelming. Meet people who have similar interests (book clubs, foodies, travel clubs, music heads, movie buffs, and more) as you. And go for it! We have to be proactive about changing the narrative. Because if you don’t change your narrative, I don’t believe you’re gonna be able to change your life. Our thoughts create our reality and if all you meditate on is how lonely, miserable, and empty your life is, then life has no choice but to serve you exactly what you’re constantly focused on. 

SLWAWS: But I have no one to go on romantic dinner or movie dates with. 

ME: Take yourself out from time to time. And not on some ‘I’m on a date with Jesus’ foolishness either. (Jesus is my brother.  Or is he my father? Or both? I dont know. It gets a little confusing for me at times. But I definitely don’t view Him as my man. Sorry if this offends anyone. It’s just my opinion). All I’m saying is, if you’re staying in on Saturdays because you have no one to hang out with romantically, be your own hero.  Learn to enjoy your own company. Stop being afraid to do shit because you don’t have a committee or a man by your side. You make more than enough money. Get cute.  Go to that restaurant or theater or wherever. Eat the popcorn. Drink the cocktail. And be merry. 

SLWAWS: There’s nobody to rub my booty.

Me: Girl…goodbye. Every single woman on the planet can get her booty rubbed if she really, really, really wanted her booty rubbed, and that’s on any day of the week. Two words: contact list (old flings, past cutty buddies, new admirers). And I’m not trying to be crass or offensive. I’m just being honest. If I’m wrong you can send me the bill. Now granted, these may not be men you want to go the distance with BUT…if all you want in the moment is…well…you know (don’t make me say it), take what’s worth taking and throw the rest back so to speak. Note: these arrangements can get very tricky for some of us. I’m not 100% a fan as a result. My only point is that there are  always options and eager men available IF that’s all you want and you think you can handle what comes along with strictly physical relationships. In the past (as in a long, long, long, long time ago) I found myself irritated, borderline upset, in these “situationships”. After a brief period of time (fun) I’m like, Dude, all you wanna do is f#*k me? Seriously? That’s it! I have SO much more to offer and all you wanna do is smash?. Man …get the bleep outta here.  And the guy’s all confused, wondering why is she trippin all of a sudden. But everybody’s not all emotional like me. For some, this may be a great, conveinient, and temporary fix. All I can say is walk in your truth and do what’s best for your soul. 

SLWAWS: But I don’t want to have pointless sex or catch anymore bodies. 

Me: Good. Me either. (I dont’t think). And I wish you would’ve said that earlier. We could’ve bypassed the enter booty rub discussion.  Talking about peoples’ sex lives makes me uncomfortable. It’s just so…personal. But anyways, let me add this, self love ( wink ,wink) is an awesome option. It’s safe, carefree, drama less, and emotions are not needed. And you can still get those endorphins released.

I could on, but I feel like this blog entry is already super long. So I’ll just conclude by saying again, SLs we have to be proactive about changing the narrative. Be mindful about the things you agree with and the thoughts you entertain. You’re life isn’t boring or meaningless because you ain’t got no man (in this season). You’re life is a gift. And you don’t have to wait until Christmas or your birthday or until your coupled up to open and enjoy it. Start enjoying and living your most bedazzled (single) life today.