4 Mistakes All Single Women should Avoid Making (or Remixing)

You’ve been single for a minute now. You’re starting to feel a little restless. Just about ready to throw in the towel and risk it all–your peace & your joy–for somebody who ain’t even worth it. But girl, I can’t watch you do that (again)! You’ve come too far. You’ve been self love and self care heavy. You’re on top of all your goals! You’ve managed to sidestep your way by a whole lot of unnecessary drama and low vibes. You’re in a great space sis! With that being said, please allow this blog post to serve as a friendly and loving reminder of mistakes we (because when I write for you I’m also writing for myself) should all avoid making or RE-making ( remixing) while navigating, with style and grace, or single path .

4 Mistakes For All Single Women to Avoid Making (or Remixing)

  1. Allowing people/society to make you feel less than because of your romantic love life status. When you allow this, you’re declaring and agreeing with said members of society. You then start to judge, belittle, and mistreat yourself based on someone else’s narrow minded thinking. This causes you to feel low about yourself and your life. (Not cool!)
  2. Putting so much focus and energy on romantic love that you neglect and show no gratitude for all the other special and meaningful ways Love presents itself in your life. Folks (a lot of folks) love you. Parent/s. Family members. A sister friend. Your homeboy. Your creator. Love is around you. Love is in you. You are loved. You are love. Appreciate all the many ways love shows up, uniquely packaged, just for you.
  3. Putting your life on hold because you’re waiting for someone (new bae) to spice it up. Girl! You. Are. The. Spice. So get to spicing! Live. Enjoy. Be festive. Have fun. Learn new things. Grow. Lean into your joy. It’s your job to make your like as adventurous and as full as possible. You deserve adventure. You deserve fun. You deserve amazing moments. You deserve achievements. You deserve fulfillment. And you have the power to make all that happen. Right now! The bonus is this: when you do start dating someone worth it, you’ll have lots of cool sh*t to talk about. In the interim, make certain you’re living your life, and not wasting it.
  4. Choosing just anybody (any-old-body!). Choosing someone who’s obviously not a good fit for you and your happiness goals. Desperation, loneliness, haste, boredom, and mistake #1 are the reasons we find ourselves in these tricky situations. But we don’t have time for tricks. Try these instead: Take your time. Curate a life you love. Stop letting people tell you who you are. Stop affixing your worth to your romantic love life status.

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How To Take full advantage of your single

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If you are trying to fast forward this season, using the majority of your single girl seconds consumed with how quickly you can snag your next boo ( a boo, any boo), married to the story that being single sucks, then you are not using your time wisely OR joyfully. Sulking, inviting misery (lack of joy and gratitude) to camp out with you, reminding yourself every second of how much you hate it here in Singleville, and judging your life based on hashtag couples goals photos is a set up. As a result, you are low vibing. And unfortunately, low vibes attract more low vibes.

Keep reading for tips on how to boost your joy and your vibration during your single season.

Tips On How To Take Full Advantage Of Your Single Season:

  • Invest in meeting improved versions of yourself. Journal. Talk to a therapist. Develop your spiritual practice. Learn about your unhelpful characteristics and toxic/unhealthy traits ( we all have a few). Pivot as needed. The more you learn and improve, the more you will want to learn and improve. It’s quite possibly the greatest act of Self Love.
  • Learn to enjoy your own company: Spend time doing things you enjoy, sans a committee (friends. family, late night visitors, etc.,). Sometimes we’re afraid of extended time alone with ourselves because we have not yet learned the value in our solitude. We’re always searching for others to keep time with us. Try doing a few things alone (and not begrudgingly), Give yourself a chance to enjoy your own company.
  • Try new things. Go on a hike if you’ve never been. Check out that new winery and stomp grapes while you’re there. Take the course. Try the new hair color. Change careers. Plant the garden. Commit to trying and learning new things. This is a great way to learn, adventure, and boost your joy.
  • Get Social. Investigate creative ways to interact with people, A virtual book club. A virtual plant group. An online course. Outdoor outings. Having a life of your own, a social calendar filled with purposeful and fun activities (even during a pandemic) is a must for maximizing your stay in Singleville. Interacting with other positive individuals, hearing new perspectives, sharing your thoughts and ideas are great ways to become a better you. (Learn to enjoy your own company AND make time to socialize. You can do both.)
  • Create. Look for ways to express your creative side. We all have a creative side. (God is a creative genius. He’s literally THEE GOAT. We all have creative genius deposited inside of us. Lean into it.) Decorate a room. Play in makeup/clothes. Arrange a flower assortment. Write something. Choreograph a dance. Paint. Cook a meal. Creating is a joy booster. Boosted joy means a boosted vibration.
  • Have fun. Make having fun a priority. A non negotiable. If you’re denying yourself fun, not choosing or chasing fun, not creating fun during your single, it’s going to be a long and miserable ride.

You deserve joy. You deserve to be happy. You deserve adventures and growth. And you do not have to (you should not) wait until you’re evicted from Singleville to experience these things. You deserve them all today.

In closing, it’s always a pleasure writing for you. Feel free to leave a comment as it’s always good to hear from you as well. Meet me on IG for daily posts, updates, and more. http://instagram.com/rhondamarcellehall/

Kindest regards,

Rhonda Marcelle

How to know if you’re settling For The Wrong relationship

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  • You want more (BETTER).
  • You feel you deserve more (BETTER).
  • You force yourself to be content (You’re fake happy, fake fulfilled).
  • You feel low. (Most or All of the time).

Point 1 : You have an idea or desire for what you want/expect (examples: honest communication, consideration, support, affection, date nights, to feel safe and loved, kind words, friendship, laughter, gifts, honesty, fun, to feel heard) from a relationship, but you’re not experiencing the things you desire OR you’re experiencing them in small, sporadic, inconsistent doses.

Point 2: Deep down (or maybe not so deep down) you feel (and know) you deserve better. That nagging suspicion or that wondering that seems to be on repeat are oftentimes your indicators and your guides.

Point 3: You find yourself trying to convince yourself that “It’s cool”. You talk yourself out of what you really desire and attempt to force yourself to just be happy with what you have (even though what you’re being given doesn’t fill you up).

Point 4: You feel sucky. Low. Hopeless. When we go against what our spirit wants and needs the end product is feeling super low. Your spirit wants you happy, joyful, having a good time, feeling good, safe, and at ease.

If you feel you may be settling for the wrong relationship, I encourage you to:

Reflect on what’s holding you hostage. It’s mostly likely fear. Reflect on what you’re afraid of. Face your fears head on and counter all fear based thoughts. For example, Fear Based Thoughts: I’m afraid that this relationship is my ONLY chance at having love. Nobody else wants me. I’m too old. Counter Thoughts: Is it TRUE that in life we only get one shot at love? Isn’t there evidence to support that people start over and live happily with people more fitting for them ALL THE TIME? Isn’t there evidence to support that people are finding real love at all ages? If others can have it why can’t I?

Stop telling yourself (consciously or subconsciously) that you’re not worthy of what you really want. Stop allowing yourself to believe this. Get comfortable countering thoughts and beliefs that make you feel less than and unworthy. Start with daily affirmations ( I am deserving. I am enough. I am worthy). Typically, we settle because subconsciously we don’t believe that we are deserving. Changing that narrative starts with changing your thinking about yourself. P.S. Journaling and reciting daily affirmations/declarations is a great start, Additionally, a licensed professional can help you get to the root of why you may be feeling unworthy in certain areas of your life. He/she can also provide you with a variety of tools and strategies to help you see your worth more clearly.

I hope this read provided a little insight and encouragement. As always, I want you OUT of unhealthy and unhappy relationships, healing, seeing your worth, and happy. You deserve that!

Kindest regards,

Rhonda Marcelle

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T. BanX

 

A20EE774-78F7-420A-B763-761910C8278ETyra Banks gave us our whole entire lives appearing (reappearing) on the cover of Sports Illustrated. In addition to sexy swimsuits, Tyra was also rockin a total vibe. She exuded sass, grace, wisdom, unbotheredness, and above all confidence.  I have deep admiration for women who have decided to live life on their own terms and in their own lanes.  Women who don’t conform to rules imposed on them by society. Women who they create their own rules. Women who get “sexier” with age. Women who inspire other women to be their best self. Tyra has consistently been a rule creator and an inspiration for women. With acting, TV Show-hosting and creating,  studying at Harvad, being a business woman, authoring, and more, she’s shown us that we don’t have to be trapped inside a box, afraid to remix ourselves. Tyra’s encouraged us to explore , discover, and create new versions of ourselves. She’s been our Beauty Coach and Cheerleader, telling us that we’re beautiful (size, shape, curves, cellulite, complexion, hair texture, age being of no consequence) teaching us to smize, to work our angles, to boldly glide into a room and work it! She’s modeled for us how to speak our truth and stand up to naysayers, bullies, and body-shamers (“Kiss. My. Fat. Ass!”)

And today we see Tyra in all her forty-fine-as-hell (45) years of glory, encouraging women in my demographic not to dare hang our “sexy”  up just yet. And when I think of a woman’s “sexy” I’m not just talking about how hot she looks in a two-piece.  I’m considering her confidence, her grace, her ambition, her fearlessness in navigating her own unique path, her expression, her thirst for adventure, her strength and independence , her being in tuned with her truth, her creativity, her drive to be better, her treatment of herself (and others), her persistence in room either being made or making room for herself, her smile, her style, her vibe. Tyra BanX smashing the cover of SI in 2019  exuded All. Of. That. “sexy”…  to me.  I appreciate her for consistently being an inspiration to myself and women all over the world, reminding us that we’re everything we need to be, more than enough, beautiful.  Thank you Ms. Banx for your “sexy” inspiration…

“This is for everybody that has been told that they are not good enough because of their body, their age, their everything. BanX is here to tell you that your ARE friggin’ fierce no matter what anybody says! Drops mic now!”

Happy National Book Lovers Day!

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Aye! It’s a day for lovers. Book lovers that is!  In honor of this day, I’d like to share a little bit about a book I’m currently reading (actually it’s being read to me courtesy of Audible) entitled This is Just My Face: Try Not to Stare by the witty and spunky and talented Gabourey Sidibe. Her humor, sarcasm, transparency, and nonchalance regarding being “PC”, combined,  make this book EVERYTHING!

I was hooked after the first chapter!  “But I am dope at any and every size. I am smart. I am funny. I am talented. I am gorgeous. I am black. I am fat. And sometimes I’m a bitch. At all times I’m a bad bitch.” Yes, Girl!! (Or should I say YYYYYAAAAASSSSS!?).  Have I ever told you guys how much I love and admire women with unbreakable confidence? No? Well, I do.Gabourey’s so open and honest about the work, past and present, she puts into ensuring her self confidence stays in tact. And I just happen to think navigating fame, twitter trolls, and Hollywood’s narrow minded standard of beauty, all while staying true and believing in yourself  is pretty badass. You, Gabourey Sidibe, are a badass!

I was baffled when Gabourey shared events of her first trip to her father’s beloved Senegal, humored when she shared with us she was once a phone sex operator, and proud when she said, “I still wanted the things on the pro list. But not all the things other people wanted for me like marriage and children, but the things I wanted for myself. Like an education and to move out of mom’s apartment. Independence.” And Ms. Badass figured out a way to get everything she wanted, sans marrying way too early and committing immigration fraud. She refused to settle. I salute Gabourey on being self aware and unwilling to go along with some cookie cutter life plan that didn’t speak to her heart.

Although I’m only on chapter 12, I’m convinced Gabourey Sidobe is my kind of girl. And I am officially a new admirer of her’s.  Eagerly waiting to dive back in, to learn a little more, and to most likely, laugh a whole lot.

Happy National Book Lovers Day to everyone! May this day bring you great reads and rich discussions. Enjoy!